


the soul magicians.

by porcelainsimplicity



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, F/M, Heterosexuality is Illegal, Human K-2SO, Other Forms of Sexuality Are Not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-01 04:44:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10914591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/porcelainsimplicity/pseuds/porcelainsimplicity
Summary: If you knew how much I loved you...The vinyl record spun around on the player as Jyn stood in front of her closet, the music she knew by heart drifting into the air that surrounded her.  She'd been waiting for this night for almost a year, ever since she first met Leia in the club she'd stumbled into without knowing anything about the area, and Leia had promised to get her backstage the next time the band had come to town.  She'd been skeptical at first, but then Leia started telling her stories of all the things she'd gotten up to in Corellia with Han Solo, and that's when it hit her.Leia Organa knew Han Solo, the manager of The Soul Magicians, the most popular rock band in this sector of the Empire.  She'd met and was friendly with the guys that made up the band, and she was offering to introduce Jyn to them the next time they were in Yavin.To say that was the highlight of Jyn's year would be an understatement.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello everyone. i am recovering from being seriously ill and in the midst of trying to work out a schedule and plan to get back to writing my ongoing stories that i had to abandon when the illness set in ([pretty scars](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8928916), i'm looking at you) this happened. this at one point in time existed in a different form in a different fandom but i think it's better reworked the way i have done here. i actually like it now.
> 
> i know the first chapter is long but it is sort of necessary. this story is approximately 30k long so know that it's a long one. chapters will be posted every couple of days until finished. 
> 
> i hope that the fact that they are living in a world where homosexuality is legal and heterosexuality is illegal except for government arranged marriages for the purpose of procreation comes across throughout this fic, because i'm not sure if i got that across well or not.
> 
> if you like this, please let me know with a comment or kudos. those really mean a lot to me at this point in my life. they put a smile on my face when i feel like shit, and i appreciate every one that i get.

_If you knew how much I loved you..._

The vinyl record spun around on the player as Jyn stood in front of her closet, the music she knew by heart drifting into the air that surrounded her. She'd been waiting for this night for almost a year, ever since she first met Leia in the club she'd stumbled into without knowing anything about the area, and Leia had promised to get her backstage the next time the band had come to town. She'd been skeptical at first, but then Leia started telling her stories of all the things she'd gotten up to in Corellia with Han Solo, and that's when it hit her.

Leia Organa knew Han Solo, the manager of The Soul Magicians, the most popular rock band in this sector of the Empire. She'd met and was friendly with the guys that made up the band, and she was offering to introduce Jyn to them the next time they were in Yavin. 

To say that was the highlight of Jyn's year would be an understatement.

The year hadn't necessarily been a bad year for Jyn, but she wouldn't have called it good either. She had a steady job but she was starting to feel as though she'd never get ahead, and therefore never be able to justify her move to Yavin to her adoptive father. But tonight, at midnight, the year would change into a new one, and Jyn was determined that the new one was going to be the best year of her life.

“Jyn, are you ready yet?! Han said to be there before they take the stage!”

“I don't know what to wear!” Jyn called out, moving a few hangers around in her closet as she looked for something suitable. 

A few moments passed and then Leia's voice was suddenly much closer. “Trust me, what you're wearing is perfectly acceptable to meet these guys. It's not like you're meeting Emperor Palpatine or something.” 

Jyn sighed and looked down at her clothes, giving Leia an unsure look. “It's a white button down shirt and black skirt. They wear suits.”

“Yeah, and they rip off the jackets and ties the moment they get off stage,” Leia said, grabbing Jyn by the elbow and pulling her from the bedroom, stopping only to take the needle off the record so it didn't ruin it. “Trust me.”

“Fine.” Jyn grabbed her handbag and keys off the table as they passed it, and Leia didn't let go of her elbow until they were outside the apartment and Jyn was fumbling with the key. 

“Jyn,” Leia said, grabbing the keys from her hand and sliding the right one into the lock, quickly turning it and pushing against the door to make sure it didn't open. “Stop being so nervous. It's just the guys.”

“It's just the guys to you,” Jyn said, grabbing her keys back as they walked towards the stairs. “To me, it's The Soul Magicians. The band I've loved from their first single. I never thought I'd ever get the chance to see them perform live, let alone meet them.”

“Yeah, well, you are, so take a couple of deep breaths, and we'll get a few glasses of wine into you once we're there, and then everything will be fine.”

Jyn just nodded and let Leia pull her down the stairs and out of the building, smoothing her hands over her hair while Leia got them a taxi. She knew exactly why she was nervous and nothing Leia said was going to calm those nerves down. Over the last several months of their friendship, Jyn had come to the conclusion that she could trust Leia with the truth, but she never had worked up the nerve to actually tell her that she was heterosexual. So she couldn't explain to Leia why it was she was so ridiculously nervous of meeting the band members.

Jyn had fallen in love with the band's music long before she ever saw so much as a photograph of the band themselves, not one for thumbing through the newspapers and having not owned a television during her first few months in Yavin. But ever since she'd seen the band perform one Saturday night after she'd bought that first television, Jyn had been in love with a lot more than just the band's music. 

His name was Cassian Andor. He was the bassist and sometimes lead vocalist of The Soul Magicians. He was everything Jyn had ever dreamed of, and everything Jyn knew she could never have. Heterosexual relationships were illegal in this sector, but that didn't stop Jyn from wanting him. And now, she was going to meet him.

Jyn just hoped that she didn't embarrass herself.

“You are completely out of it tonight,” Leia announced once they were in the backseat of the taxi. “I'm starting to get worried.”

Jyn shook her head gently and sent a smile in Leia's direction. “Nothing to be worried about.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Good,” Leia said, before launching into another story about her and Han, leaving Jyn to her thoughts for the rest of the ride.

They arrived at the location of the concert and Jyn glanced around at the people in line to get in while Leia paid the driver. When the taxi pulled away, Jyn took a step towards the line only to find herself being pulled back by Leia. 

“VIPs, darling. We don't go through the front entrance.” Leia led Jyn around the building to a side door, smiling at the man who was standing outside it. “Hello. I'm Leia Organa and this is Jyn Erso. Han Solo was supposed to leave us passes here.”

The man laughed and shook his head. “If you think I don't know you're on the list by now, Leia, I don't know when you'll ever realize it. But I'm going to have to check on your friend.” 

“Of course,” Leia said as the man quickly pulled a list from his pocket and scanned it. “I'll kill Han if he's screwed this up though.”

“Erso you said? She's on here. Alright, Han said to tell you to head straight for the dressing rooms,” the man said as he reached for a couple of the credentials that were laying on top of a stool next to him. “The guys are excited to see you again.”

“As they should be,” Leia said cheekily, taking the credentials from the man's hand and putting one around her neck, handing the other to Jyn. “Thank you.”

“You're welcome,” the man said, reaching towards the door and opening it for them. “Enjoy the show, ladies.”

Jyn put the credential around her neck and followed Leia through the door, forcing herself to take a deep breath as they entered the dark hallway. “What happened to getting me a few glasses of wine first?”

“There's wine in the dressing room,” Leia said, walking down the hallway and rounding the first corner she came to. “The guys won't drink before the show, they'll get completely wasted afterward. But we'll be at the hotel by then. The wine in the dressing room is just for Han and for guests like us.”

Jyn followed her down the dimly-lit corridor until Leia came to a stop in front of a door that was adorned with a gold star, a slip of paper reading “The Soul Magicians” stuck to the wood beneath it. Leia turned to her and laughed at the nervous look on Jyn's face, reaching for her friend's hand and squeezing it gently. 

“Relax. No one in there bites. Well, Baze might if you ask, but he's insane. I think you have to be insane to be a drummer. Every drummer I've ever met has been fucking nuts.”

Jyn laughed, memories of previous tales of Baze Malbus and his quirkier moments that Leia had told coming to mind. “Okay. I'm ready.”

“Good, 'cause I'm not giving you another second,” Leia said, reaching for the handle and swinging the door open, pulling Jyn into the room behind her. “Han! It's New Year's Eve! That better mean there's champagne!”

Jyn blinked as they stepped into the room, the lights extremely brighter than they had been out in the hallway, and when her vision adjusted, she realized that Leia was wrapped up in Han's arms, laughing as the older man spun her around. 

“Han!” Leia called out. “Put me down! I've got to introduce you to Jyn!”

“Oh, alright,” Han said, setting Leia down next to Jyn and extending his hand to her. “Jyn, it is great to meet you. Leia has told me so many things about you.”

Jyn swallowed hard and reached her hand out to meet Han's, shaking it lightly. “It's nice to meet you too, Mister Solo. An honor, really.”

“Mister Solo?” Han burst out laughing as Jyn pulled her hand back. “Oh no, no, no, no. I'm only Mister Solo when I'm trying to arrange details for the group and I have to deal with executives from the label and tour promoters. It's Han.”

Jyn felt the faint traces of a blush start to surface on her cheeks, nodding slightly. “Alright then. Han.”

“That's more like it,” Han said, turning away from them and walking further into the room. “Drinks, ladies? The boys are posing for photos for one of the local newspapers. They'll be back in a few minutes.”

“Drinks sound fantastic,” Leia said, following Han towards the table in the back of the room. “Jyn needs something to calm her nerves.”

Jyn felt the blush that had started a few moments earlier flare up again, glaring at Leia when she glanced back at her. “Leia.”

“Oh, it's just Han,” Leia said, smiling when Han handed her a glass of wine. “He's used to people being nervous to meet the guys.”

“I see it everyday, Jyn. It's nothing to be embarrassed about,” Han said, looking over his shoulder at her. “Come have a drink with us.”

Jyn nodded and walked over to the table, thanking Han quietly when he handed her a glass. Leia had half of her glass already gone, and she launched into a story about some woman she'd met in a clothing store the day before, drawing deep laughs out of both of them. Jyn was trying to picture the woman in her mind when suddenly she felt an unfamiliar hand on her shoulder, and she froze.

“Hey, Han, is there any of that Jogan fruit left? I didn't get to finish my dinner before that photographer dragged us away.”

Jyn would have recognized that voice anywhere. It was the one that filled her days with song and haunted her dreams at night. 

“You can't even say hello, Cassian?” Leia said, her voice sounding put out but the smile on her face contradicting the tone. 

“Sorry, shorty. Didn't see you there.”

Leia huffed and slapped at Cassian's arm, shaking her head dismissively. “Three centimeters, asshole. That's all you've got on me.”

“Just messing with you, Leia,” Cassian said, taking his hand off Jyn's shoulder and wrapping his arms around Leia. “It's about time you showed up. I'm used to you being at every other concert we do, but I haven't seen you for months now.”

“That's what happens when one goes to university,” Leia said, hugging Cassian back. “All their free time disappears and they don't have the chance to do anything. Besides, you've been in Naboo for the last four months. There was no possible way I was going to see you while you were there.”

“Alright, enough of this,” Han declared, holding a plate in Cassian's direction. “Eat quickly. You're on in five minutes.”

Cassian pulled away from Leia and took the plate, walking off to find a place to sit as Jyn downed half of her glass. She was not going to think about the fact that Cassian Andor had just touched her. She really wasn't.

Leia grabbed onto Jyn's elbow and turned her around, the rest of the band coming into view. “Cassian was too busy picking on me to introduce himself, but I can be polite and introduce you to the rest of the band.”

Jyn tried to smile when Cassian glanced up from her plate. “I didn't even notice her standing there!” Cassian said, shaking his head. “My apologies.......”

“Jyn,” Leia filled in. 

“Jyn,” Cassian said, and the woman whose name had just been spoken tried not to concentrate on how good it sounded when Cassian said it. “My apologies, Jyn.” 

“Don't worry about it,” Jyn said, surprising herself with how calm she sounded. 

“Anyway, I know you already know who these guys are, but just in case you've forgotten,” Leia said, leading Jyn across the room and pointing. “Baze Malbus, drummer.”

“I prefer to be known as the master of percussion,” Baze said, standing up and extending his hand to Jyn. “It's nice to meet you, Jyn.”

Jyn shook his hand and smiled. “Likewise. Master of percussion? I'll have to remember that.”

“Please do,” Baze said, sitting back down and picking up his drum sticks, tapping them against his knees. 

Leia leaned close to Jyn's ear and whispered. “Told you he's fucking nuts.”

Jyn bit back a laugh as Leia's arm swung out again. “Chirrut Îmwe, lead guitar and harmonies.”

Chirrut nodded in Jyn's direction and went back to tuning the guitar resting in his lap. 

Leia's arm changed direction and Jyn's gaze followed. “Bodhi Rook, rhythmic guitar and lead vocals.”

“Pleasure to meet you,” Bodhi said, quickly shaking Jyn's hand before heading towards the door. “Hey, Luke, can I talk to you about the after party for a second?”

“Ignore Bodhi,” Leia said. “He's always concerned about the quality of the guys that are going to be at the after party.”

Jyn nodded, and Leia turned her to face Cassian. “And last and certainly least, Cassian Andor, bassist and harmonies, but sometimes lead vocals. Thankfully not all the time.”

“Oh shut up, Leia,” Cassian said, setting his empty plate on the table and shaking his head. 

“Alright,” Han called out. “Jackets on, instruments in hand! You've got a show to do! And where the fuck is Bodhi?!”

“Right here,” Bodhi said, walking back into the room. “The crowd isn't going to care if we're a couple of minutes late, Han.”

Han shook his head and started waving them out of the room. “The crowd, no. The promoter, yes. Get out there!”

Jyn watched as the guys all stood up and walked out of the room, glancing at Leia when she started to pull her towards the door. “Where are we going?”

“You want to see them perform or not?” Leia asked, laughing when Jyn nodded eagerly. “Then come on!”

They ended up to the right of the stage, peering around curtains with the Luke that Jyn assumed Bodhi had been talking to earlier. Leia introduced him as the band's road manager just before the first notes came reeling off of Chirrut's guitar, and then Jyn was lost in the music. The band played great song after great song, Cassian and Bodhi playfully teasing the crowd in between each one, and before Jyn knew it, the show was over.

“Was it what you expected?” Leia asked, pulling Jyn away from the curtains and walking in the direction of the dressing room.

“Better,” Jyn said, a huge smile on her face. “Much better.”

Leia laughed. “Good. Now prepare to party.”

Jyn followed Leia past the dressing room and out a different door than the one they'd entered the building through. A car was waiting there, Han leaning against the side, looking not so happy. 

“What's wrong?” Leia asked, immediately concerned. 

“Promoter doesn't want to hand over the money. I've got to stay back and discuss things with him. The car will take you two to the hotel, and then Kaytoo will take you up to the room. The boys should be there about ten minutes later.” Leia frowned and Han stepped forward, wrapping his arms around her. “I'll be there as soon as I can. I promise. I don't like the fact that this is taking up some of our time together either.”

Jyn stood off to the side and watched their interaction, her mind suddenly racing with a thought that had never occurred to her, not once during all of Leia's tales about Han. She plastered a smile across her face when they broke apart, Leia suddenly happy and bouncing with energy again. 

“Then we will see you back at the hotel,” Leia said, grabbing Jyn by the elbow and opening the door to the backseat of the car. “I need to get Jyn drunk and dancing.”

Jyn blushed again as she climbed into the car, sliding across the bench seat to make room for Leia.

“Leia?”

Leia paused halfway into the car and glanced back at Han. “What?”

“Champagne's for midnight. Don't drink all of it beforehand.”

Leia laughed and finished getting into the car, shutting the door behind herself. “He always thinks I'm going to drink all of the champagne,” she muttered, turning to Jyn with a grin on her face. “And he's right, but don't ever tell him that.”

Jyn laughed as the car began to pull away, settling back against the seat and taking a deep breath. She couldn't decide whether or not to bring up what her mind was now focused on, but in the end, Leia made the decision for her.

“You can ask you know.”

“Ask what?”

“About me and Han,” Leia said quietly, her gaze briefly switching to the driver in the front seat. “I can see the wheels turning in your head, Jyn. Just ask.”

Jyn stared at her friend for a moment before sliding closer to her and leaning in. “How long?”

“I met Han when I was sixteen. I went to Corellia with some friends from Alderaan to see this band that I'd never heard of called The Soul Magicians,” Leia paused and laughed. “We got backstage somehow, I don't even know how, but it was before they were famous and so there was very little security needed, and we were hanging out with the band when the door opened and Han walked in, and I just...it all has to be kept very quiet, you know. What we're doing is very, very illegal. My parents don't even know. You're the only one besides the band, Luke, and Kaytoo that does.”

“I won't say anything,” Jyn said quickly. 

“I know,” Leia said, giving her a warm smile. “I wouldn't have said anything to you if I thought I couldn't trust you.”

Jyn took a deep breath and smiled back, the words she longed to say to someone on the tip of her tongue yet refusing to be given voice. “Of course you can trust me. Just like I can trust you.”

“Exactly,” Leia said, staring at Jyn as though expecting her to say something else. When Jyn stayed silent, Leia turned her gaze towards the window. “So, have you ever been in the penthouse of a hotel, Jyn?”

No, she hadn't, and she told Leia as much, then turned to look out her own window as Leia started telling her what to expect, which sounded mostly like lots of guys, with some girls added in for them, and lots of alcohol. She finished just as they pulled up to the hotel entrance, and then Leia was out of the car and hugging someone else before Jyn could blink. She got out of the car and was quickly introduced to Kaytoo, the band's personal assistant. Kaytoo led them inside and then into the elevator, waiting until they were in the privacy of the penthouse suite to say anything.

“Young Leia,” Kaytoo said, leaning against the wall and laughing when Leia started waving her hands around. “I know, I know, fifty-three days. But those fifty-three days still make me older than you, thus your title of Young Leia.”

Leia turned to Jyn and pointed at Kaytoo. “You see? You see what I have to put up with? From him, from Cassian. Always teasing me.”

“It's just a bit of fun, Leia,” Kaytoo said, pushing away from the wall and glancing at his watch. “I've got to go meet the boys. Drinks are behind the bar, and Han said on the phone that you are not to have any of the champagne until he gets here.”

Leia whined as Kaytoo walked out of the door. “They get champagne almost every night. I only get to have some when I'm here, and it's been so long since I've been here. Han is just trying to torture me.”

Jyn laughed and looked around the room, spotting the bar and pulling Leia over to it. “Wine then?”

“Oh, there's more than wine here,” Leia said, stepping around the bar and rummaging around. “Gin, whiskey, tequila, rum. What do you want?”

“Um, I think I'll just have a wine,” Jyn said softly.

“Jyn, you can have whatever you want. It's okay.”

Jyn stared at Leia for a moment before giving in. “Whiskey.”

Leia smiled and reached for a glass. “That's more like it. Now, before they get up here, I just want to make sure you're okay with something.”

“Okay with what?” Jyn asked, watching as Leia filled the glass with ice and poured the whiskey in. 

“Han and I will hang around the party for quite awhile, and I'll let the girls attach themselves to me to keep up appearances,” Leia said, sliding the glass across the counter at Jyn. “But.......”

Jyn wrapped her hand around the glass as what Leia was trying to say sunk in. “But you're going to slip off and spend some time alone. I understand, Leia. It's fine.”

Leia laughed as she reached for another glass. “I'm not asking for your permission, Jyn. I just want to make sure you're okay with being left alone with the band. Otherwise, I'll wait until you're ready to leave and then put you in a taxi downstairs before we sneak off.”

Jyn spun the glass around in her hand while Leia fixed her own drink. “Well, it's not like I'll be alone with them, right? You said there would be girls.”

“Lots of guys and girls,” Leia said, taking a large sip of her drink. “And eventually they'll all pick a guy and head back to their rooms and the rest will disappear. I'm sure there's a spare room around here if you decide to have some fun. You know, with one of the girls.”

That was the moment that it hit Jyn that Leia knew her secret and was giving her a chance to tell her the truth. She took a big gulp of her drink and took a deep breath, but before the words could leave her lips, the door to the room swung open and four very excited musicians came walking in, talking extremely fast and extremely loudly about the show they'd just played. Leia reached out and squeezed Jyn's hand before walking around the bar and heading over to the guys. 

Jyn leaned back against the bar and watched as the four guys stripped off their jackets and loosened their ties, Leia jumping into the conversation and telling them how good they sounded. She took another sip of her whiskey as the door opened again and in came a stream of people that Jyn could only describe as groupies, each one picking a member of the band and attaching themselves to him. Music started up from somewhere else in the room, and suddenly the party was in full swing. When they started to head towards the bar, Jyn moved out of the way and kept watching. 

Bodhi seemed to be the most wanted out of the group, which Jyn decided had to be because he was the lead singer. Not that he wasn't good looking – they were all quite appealing in their own ways – but Jyn knew that if she was one of those guys, it would be Cassian's arm she'd be hanging off of. Baze was the first to get his drink from Luke, who was acting as the bartender, and he and his collection of guys walked across the room towards Kaytoo, who was manning the radio. Chirrut and his followers made their way over to the sofa a few minutes later, Chirrut sitting down and finding himself with a lap full of guys almost instantly. Even Leia was surrounded by girls, and Jyn knew from prior experiences that her friend was probably charming the girls to the point of swooning. 

But the object of Jyn's attention was still leaning against the bar, talking rapidly to Luke and politely removing the hands of the guys that surrounded him every time one of them put one on him. A couple of the guys headed in Jyn's direction, something Jyn definitely did not want. But the guys came to stand around her, one on each side, and started asking questions about how she knew the band, which Jyn did her best to avoid answering. 

“Don't you guys want to be with an actual member of the band?” Jyn asked, motioning in Cassian's direction. “He's the one you want, not me.”

The guy to her left, a blond wearing a very tight shirt, leaned in. “Of course he's the one we want, but he's also the hardest one to get.”

Jyn took a sip of her drink. “And why is that?”

“No one knows for sure,” the guy to her right said, and Jyn took a moment to look at him, jet black hair brushing around his chin. “There are a few theories.”

“The first is that he's secretly married,” the blond said, reaching up to run his fingers through his hair. “And that he's devoutly faithful to him, so he ignores all the guys at all the after parties.”

“The second is that he's not married yet, but involved in a very serious relationship that could lead to marriage at any moment,” the raven-haired guy said. “And again, that he's so faithful to him that he won't do anything with us.”

“And as for the third, well...” The blond trailed off and sighed heavily.

“The third is that he's so in love with his music that he's just not interested,” the raven-haired guy said, sighing. “And if that's the case, then it's a great shame. He's missing out on so much fun.”

Jyn glanced over at Cassian again, meeting his eyes briefly before Cassian snatched his glass off the bar and walked out of the room, leaving a group of disappointed guys behind. But the guys weren't disappointed for long, latching onto Luke as soon as he walked around the bar, and Jyn began to understand that these guys would do anything to get near anyone that had anything to do with the band. 

An impromptu dance floor broke out between the sitting area and where the radio was set up, and soon everyone was dancing. Jyn was pressed in between a couple of girls, Leia next to her and flirting with whatever girl was giving her attention at that moment. She was supposed to be having fun, waiting for the countdown to midnight and then welcoming the beginning of what was going to be the best year of her life, but all Jyn could think about was the fact that Cassian had disappeared. As the volume of the music cranked up another few notches and Kaytoo announced that it was five minutes til midnight, Jyn broke away from the girls and the dance floor, catching Leia's eye and nodding when Leia pointed towards a door. They'd already discussed how Jyn wanted to be alone at midnight, and Leia had promised to tell her where she could go to find a moment's peace.

Jyn stopped and refilled her drink before walking through the door, finding herself in an empty hallway which she figured led to some of the suite's bedrooms. She took a deep breath and slid down the wall next to the door, close enough that she could still hear the music and the inevitable countdown to midnight, yet far enough away that she could think. It was exactly what she had wanted, and she made a mental note to thank Leia in the morning. She closed her eyes and sipped at her drink, all her thoughts slipping away until she was focused on her new year's wish. 

And then she felt someone sit down next to her.

“Needed a break? Party's a bit much, isn't it?”

Jyn opened her eyes slowly and turned her head to the left, drinking in the sight of Cassian Andor sitting so close to her. “I wanted to be alone at midnight,” she said softly. “But yes, the party is a bit overwhelming.”

“I'll leave you alone then,” Cassian said, starting to stand up when Jyn's hand shot out and grabbed his arm.

“You can stay,” Jyn said softly. “Just so long as you're quiet.”

Cassian smiled and sat back down, leaning his head back against the wall. “I can do quiet. After all the screaming that goes on during a show, all I want is some quiet.”

“Is that why you left the party?”

“Part of it,” Cassian said, sighing. “Another reason is that I'll never find anyone that interests me in there.”

Jyn nodded and took another sip of her drink. “Those guys did seem pretty shallow.”

“It's not that they're shallow, it's that they're guys,” Cassian said quietly, tilting his head to look Jyn in the eyes. “But please don't tell anyone that. The others don't even know. Just Han. And, well, probably Leia. Han tells her everything.”

Jyn felt like she couldn't breathe. Cassian was......he'd just said.......he....... Jyn downed the rest of her drink and met Cassian's gaze. “Your secret is safe with me.”

Cassian smiled and turned his gaze back to the ceiling. “I was lying earlier, by the way.”

Jyn froze. “Lying about what?” she managed to get out, staring at the empty glass in her hands.

“I did notice you,” Cassian said, laughing slightly. “How could I not? I wasn't sure who you were when I first walked into the room, but you were standing with Leia and Han had said Leia was bringing a friend so I figured that was you. Then I got closer and realized how beautiful you were, and I just had to touch you. That's why I put my hand on your shoulder. I could tell it bothered you, and so I'm sorry, but I just couldn't take my hand away.”

Jyn forced herself to take a deep breath, glancing towards Cassian. “You think I'm beautiful?” she asked before she could stop herself, immediately turning her head away to hide her embarrassment. “Sorry. Forget I asked that.”

Cassian watched Jyn for a few moments, noticing how tense she was, then reached out and put his hand on Jyn's shoulder. “How long have you known?”

Jyn thought the question sounded odd for some reason but she knew exactly what Cassian meant by it. “Since I was a teenager. I've never said anything to anyone about it. Too scared of the consequences.”

Cassian squeezed Jyn's shoulder gently, drawing her gaze back to him just as the crowd in the other room began to shout.

_Ten!_

Jyn shyly met Cassian's eyes, relief flowing through her when she saw nothing but understanding reflected in them.

_Nine!_

Cassian slid his hand along Jyn's shoulder then down her arm, a soft smile crossing his face when Jyn shuddered beneath his touch.

_Eight!_

Jyn set her glass to the side and leaned into Cassian's touch, silently asking for more.

_Seven!_

Cassian dropped his hand to cover Jyn's where it was resting against the floor, squeezing it gently. “There's this tradition when the clock strikes midnight,” he started, his voice soft.

_Six!_

“I've never......” Jyn trailed off, feeling the blush spread across her cheeks again.

_Five!_

Cassian reached out with his other hand and turned Jyn's face towards him. “We could, if you want. Only if you want.”

_Four!_

“What if someone sees?” Jyn asked, her voice trembling.

_Three!_

Cassian leaned closer, wrapping his fingers around the base of Jyn's neck. “They won't. They're all too busy in there.”

_Two!_

Jyn sucked in a deep breath and tried to convince herself that this was actually happening, that she hadn't passed out drunk before the countdown and that she wasn't dreaming this entire situation.

_One!_

Cassian waited until he saw the tiny nod and smiled.

_Happy New Year!_

Jyn gasped as Cassian's lips met hers, her eyes drifting closed. Cassian's fingers tightened around Jyn's neck as the kiss deepened slightly, Cassian smiling into it when he felt Jyn shudder again. They broke apart slowly, Cassian diving back in for another quick kiss before letting go of Jyn and sitting back. 

Jyn sat there with her eyes closed, her heart pounding, for what felt like hours even though she knew it was only a few seconds. She opened her eyes and found Cassian staring at her, slight concern etched across his features. “That,” she breathed out, “was amazing.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I've never felt so good in my life.”

Cassian broke out into a grin and slid closer to Jyn, running his hand up and down Jyn's arm. “I know lots of other things that will make you feel even better,” Cassian whispered. “If you want, I can show you.”

Jyn knew what Cassian was offering, and she knew that she'd probably only ever get this one night, but she wasn't sure if that was what she wanted. To have a taste of something she wanted so badly knowing that she would never be able to taste it again. Could she live with that? She took a few minutes to think about it, let herself drown in the want that was now showing in Cassian's eyes, and then nodded. 

Cassian smiled and stood up, holding out his hand for Jyn to take. Jyn glanced at her empty glass before taking Cassian's hand and allowing herself to be pulled up. “What do I do wit—”

“Leave it,” Cassian said, cutting her off. “There's going to be empty glasses all over this suite before the night's over. No one will notice.”

Jyn nodded as Cassian led her down the hallway and into his room. “No roommate?”

“We're successful enough now that the label gives us more money to spend on accommodations,” Cassian said, shutting the door behind them and locking it. “I was so happy the day Han said we got to have our own rooms. I was so sick of listening to Bodhi fuck some guy while I was trying to sleep.”

Jyn watched as Cassian turned around and walked towards her, nerves coursing through her. “Same thing used to happen to me with a roommate.”

“Well, there's no roommates and no guys or girls around to ruin this,” Cassian said, sliding his arms around Jyn's waist. “You know how this works, right?”

“Just because I've never done it doesn't mean I'm stupid,” Jyn said softly, her hands trembling as she brought them up to Cassian's shoulders. 

“I wasn't trying to say that you were,” Cassian said, pulling Jyn flush against his body and capturing her lips in a hard kiss. 

Jyn melted against him, giving herself over to the feelings that Cassian was stirring up within her. She parted her lips when Cassian's tongue asked for entrance, ignored the fact that she probably looked like an idiot when she felt her knees start to buckle and Cassian had to tighten his grip on her, and sighed when Cassian broke away and started pressing kisses to her neck. Jyn let her eyes drift closed as Cassian's hands left her waist and slid up her chest, fingers deftly unbuttoning the shirt that was keeping them from dancing across Jyn's skin. She gasped as the cool air of the room hit her heated skin, Cassian sliding the garment off her arms and tossing it away. 

“Look at me,” Cassian asked softly, and Jyn's eyes opened. “Help me get undressed.”

Jyn fought off a blush as Cassian took her hands and placed them on the buttons of his shirt. She fumbled around with the first button for a few seconds before finally getting it undone, and Cassian smiled brilliantly at her before dropping his hands back to Jyn's waist. By the time Jyn was sliding the unbuttoned shirt down Cassian's arms, Cassian had Jyn's zipper undone and her skirt sliding to the floor. Jyn avoided her soon to be lover's eyes as Cassian pulled the shirt from where it hung on his wrists and tossed it behind him, and then Cassian grabbed Jyn by the chin and forced her to meet his gaze.

“You're beautiful,” Cassian whispered, darting in for a quick kiss. “I've never seen a woman as beautiful as you are, certainly never like this.”

Jyn smiled as the compliments warmed her, taking a breath before making quick work of the buttons and zipper on Cassian's trousers, letting them drop to the floor. “You're...” she trailed off, letting her eyes drift over Cassian's body. “I don't think there are words for what you are.”

Cassian laughed and stepped out of his trousers and shoes, kicking them away before getting Jyn to do the same. “I'm sure there's a group of guys in the other room that would be happy to supply you with the correct adjective. I hear it from guys like them all the time.” 

Jyn laughed as Cassian pulled her close once more, shaking her head. “You're more than just the cute one. Much more.”

“Are you sure of that?” Cassian asked teasingly. “Because I have been proclaimed in many respected publications to be the cute one.” Jyn yelped as Cassian suddenly swung them around and pushed her to the bed. “But right now, I don't care about being anything more than the one you want.”

“You are,” Jyn said, smiling nervously as Cassian crawled over her. “How many times have you done this?”

“Not many,” Cassian said, pressing a kiss to the middle of Jyn's chest. “I've got to be so careful. Getting caught wouldn't only mean problems for me, but it would mean the end of the band, and I won't do that to them.”

Jyn nodded as Cassian kissed his way down her chest, taking a deep breath as he reached underneath her and unhooked her bra. “And it's been awhile?”

Cassian paused and glanced up at Jyn, seeing the curiosity mixed with fear in her eyes. “Yeah, it's been awhile. A long, long while. You have no idea how much I need this. That's why I'm going to make it so good for you. Have to get the most out of every opportunity you get. Now, let me finish undressing you.”

Her bra was tossed to the other side of the room and Cassian coaxed her hips up to pull her panties off before tossing them in the same direction as the bra. Soon, she was completely exposed to him, and Cassian sensed Jyn's embarrassment, quickly shedding himself of his boxers, crawling back up the bed to kiss Jyn again. “The more of you I see, the more beautiful you get. Now relax. It's going to hurt a hell of a lot more if you don't relax.”

Jyn took a deep breath and tried to concentrate on relaxing as Cassian's hands roamed her skin. Her mind drifted back to her new year's wish, the one that she hadn't thought of at midnight, and she allowed herself a smile. The new year was definitely starting out better than she'd expected. Jyn tried desperately to hold back her moans, but sensations that she'd never experienced before were coursing through her body and she couldn't stop herself. Cassian let the first few moans go, but after a particularly loud one, he pulled back and looked up at Jyn. 

“Quiet, baby,” Cassian said, running a gentle hand along Jyn's thigh. “I know it's difficult, trust me, I know. But we really have to be quiet.”

“I know,” Jyn breathed out. “I'm sorry. I'm trying.”

Cassian sighed and moved up to kiss Jyn again, brushing a damp lock of hair off her face. “I don't want you to be sorry. And I don't want you to be quiet either, especially now that I know how good you sound. I wish it wasn't like this, baby. But we can't. We just can't.”

Jyn nodded, bringing a hand up to wrap around Cassian's neck and pull him into another kiss. “I'll bite my tongue, I promise.”

Cassian rested his forehead against Jyn's for a moment, then captured her lips in a sweet kiss. “Don't bite it too hard.”

Jyn laughed and Cassian settled himself back between Jyn's legs, taking a deep breath. “I really should take it slow with you, but I just have this urge to take you. It's been so long since I've had this, I'm having a hard time controlling myself.”

Jyn stared up at him for a moment before nodding. “Take me then.”

“Jyn,” Cassian breathed out, and the sound of her name on Cassian's lips again sent a shiver down Jyn's spine.

“I mean it,” Jyn said softly, reaching out to the side and grabbing one of the condoms, holding it out to Cassian.

Cassian studied her for a minute before taking the foil packet from Jyn's fingers. “I promise you, I'll be slow and gentle next time.”

Jyn couldn't help the smile from crossing her face. “Next time?”

“I imagine there will be a next time, yes,” Cassian said, spreading Jyn's legs further apart and bending them back. “Unless you don't want it, of course.”

“Something tells me I'll want it,” Jyn said, sucking in a deep breath when Cassian's finger started to circle her entrance.

“Relax,” Cassian said, pushing his finger in gently. “Just relax.”

Jyn let her eyes slip closed as she tried to focus on relaxing, gasping as first one, then two fingers entered her. She listened as Cassian tore the packet open, letting her eyes open to watch as he rolled the condom on. She switched her gaze up to the ceiling and focused on breathing as she felt Cassian position himself. She let out a gasp as she felt the initial penetration, her mind reeling until Cassian gently grasped her hand and brought her back to reality. Cassian let go of her hand as he pushed further into her, leaning over Jyn and kissing her hard.

Jyn's arms came up around her lover's neck as Cassian pushed her legs back, bringing their lips together again as Cassian pulled back and began to thrust. The pace started off slow but soon quickened, Jyn's head falling back against the pillow as Cassian attached his lips to the side of her throat, nipping and sucking at the soft skin there. Jyn clenched her teeth together to keep from calling out when Cassian changed the angle and hit a spot that made her see stars, making her shudder beneath him. Cassian trailed kisses along Jyn's jaw before bringing their lips together softly, recognizing the increasing tension in his lover's body. 

“Come for me,” Cassian whispered, kissing Jyn again.

Jyn sighed deeply, her arms tightening around Cassian's neck as she felt her release hit her, Cassian's mouth darting onto hers to muffle the noise that she couldn't control. Her arms slowly dropped to the bed as she tried to catch her breath, groaning softly as Cassian snapped his hips back and forth a few more times before letting out a loud grunt and collapsing onto Jyn.

They laid there for several minutes as their breathing evened out, Jyn slowly trailing a couple of fingers up and down the sweatslick skin of Cassian's back. When Cassian felt like he could move, he pulled back and dropped to the mattress next to Jyn, looking over at the woman he'd met only a few hours ago. 

“You alright?”

Jyn chuckled and nodded, glancing over at Cassian. “You?”

“I'm fucking fantastic,” Cassian said, shifting onto his side to roll the condom off. “God, I needed that.”

Jyn stretched languidly as Cassian tossed the condom into a nearby trashcan, smiling when he rolled back towards her. “I feel like it's time for me to confess.”

“Confess?”

Jyn laughed slightly and ran her hands over her face. “My favorite member of The Soul Magicians is the cute one.”

Cassian smiled at that, leaning his head onto Jyn's shoulder. “So you are attracted to me. I had this horrific thought somewhere in there that I'd just completely taken advantage of you, forced you into something you didn't necessarily want.”

Jyn shook her head lightly. “No, I wanted it. I've wanted it for a long time.”

Cassian slung an arm across Jyn's waist and pressed a soft kiss to her shoulder. “I hope the real thing lived up to the fantasy.”

Jyn tilted her head and pressed a kiss to the top of Cassian's head. “It was better,” she whispered softly. “And I fully expect next time to be even better.”

Cassian nodded against Jyn's shoulder, his eyes drawing shut. “Sleep first.”

“Okay,” Jyn whispered, closing her eyes and letting the sound of Cassian breathing lull her to sleep.

The sun was pouring in through a crack in the curtains when Jyn awoke, letting her know that she had slept far longer than she intended to. She shifted onto her back and found Cassian still asleep beside her, his face calm and peaceful. Her mind drifted back to the previous night and Jyn grinned, still not sure she actually believed that had happened. 

She glanced over at the clock on the bedside table after a few minutes, the time reflected there deflating her. She only had an hour to get to work, she was almost a twenty minute taxi ride away from her apartment, then work was another ten minute walk, and she desperately needed a shower before she could go there. She dropped her head back onto the pillow and cursed herself for volunteering to work on New Year's Day, for having thought that she'd have been home hours ago. 

She gently climbed from the bed and searched the room for her clothes, getting dressed as quickly as possible. She stood in front of the mirror and made sure she looked presentable enough before turning back to the bed. Cassian was still sleeping peacefully, and Jyn wanted nothing more than to crawl back into his arms, but she knew that she couldn't even if she wanted to. Things were too complicated; the situation too dangerous for both of them. Besides, she thought sadly, she was probably nothing more than a conquest, that all that talk of not doing this very often was probably just a line and she was just another notch on the bedpost of the famous Cassian Andor.

Even as she thought it, she knew it was wrong. But she couldn't allow herself to think of the night in any other way, or her emotions would get the better of her. So instead she walked over to the bed, bent and kissed Cassian gently on the forehead, and left the room as quickly as possible.

She was almost to the elevator when she heard her name be called out, turning to find Leia peeking out of one of the rooms. 

“Where are you going? The guys aren't leaving until tonight.”

“I've got work, remember?” Jyn said quietly, aware of the fact that they were probably the only two people awake. “I've got to go now or I'll be late.”

Leia nodded, sighing. “I forgot you were stupid enough to say you'd work today. And I haven't even heard about your night yet! I never saw you after midnight! Of course, Han and I didn't stick around that long after midnight, but...whatever, dinner at your place tonight? You can tell me about your night and I'll try not to gross you out talking about mine.”

“Sure,” Jyn said, knowing that she'd never tell Leia a word of truth about her night. “I'll be home after eight.”

“Sounds good,” Leia said, glancing behind her. “Oh, Han is awake, so...”

“I'll see you later, Leia,” Jyn said, waving her friend back into the room.

Leia disappeared as the door shut, and Jyn continued her walk to the elevator, pushing the button and waiting for it to arrive. She leaned against the wall and stared down the hallway, half-hoping that Cassian would round the corner and stop her from leaving.

The elevator dinged, the doors opened, and Jyn got inside. As the doors closed, Jyn allowed herself to realize that she'd probably never see Cassian Andor again. She took a deep breath as the elevator jerked, then began its descent to the ground floor, and wished that the previous night really had been a dream.

It was much, much easier to get over a dream.


	2. Chapter 2

_six months later..._

Jyn glanced behind herself when she heard the bell above the door ring, signaling someone had entered the shop. She didn't see anyone, which more than likely meant the person had started to browse the shelves at the front of the shop. That was a good thing – all the new releases that needed to sell well were on display in the front, and the more of those new releases that sold, the more likely it was that Jyn would keep her job. Her elderly boss, Mister Dodonna, always made it very clear to her that if the book shop's sales dropped off, Jyn would be looking for a new place of employment. 

So she went back to placing books back on their shelf, having alphabetized that particular shelf for the fourth time that week. Mister Dodonna always said she was just wasting her time, but Jyn was convinced it would be easier for customers to find the book they wanted if they were alphabetized, so she kept doing and redoing it. Customers would take books off the shelf to look at and then place them back anywhere they felt like, and so Jyn would come around after the customer had walked away and put the books back in their proper places. 

Silence was prevalent in the small shop, the only sounds coming from the soft hum of the radio that was playing behind the sales counter and the bell above the door that rang when someone entered or exited. Every time Leia would come into the shop to drag Jyn away for lunch, she'd comment about how it was too quiet, but Jyn liked it that way. It left her to her thoughts, her daydreams, and her memories, and it gave her plenty of time to think of how to deflect Leia's latest attempt at getting the truth out of her.

She'd barely finished telling her the story she'd carefully crafted about New Year's Eve before Leia had crossed her arms across her chest and proclaimed that she didn't believe her. And her friend had tried everything she could think of to get Jyn to tell her the truth, her efforts doubling after Jyn refused to go with her when The Soul Magicians returned to Yavin for an outdoor concert three months later. In retrospect, Jyn realized that not going had been a key mistake, signaling to Leia that something really had happened that night, but she knew she couldn't face Cassian again, not without giving away the other man's secret. 

Cassian. All she had to do was close her eyes and her senses filled with the memory of Cassian hovering above her, pushing deep inside of her, and making Jyn feel better than she ever had in her life. Her heart ached every time a Soul Magicians song came on the radio, especially if it was one Cassian sang lead on, and she hadn't been able to listen to their records since that night without making sure she was alone and drunk. She didn't regret it, couldn't regret what was the best night of her life, but that didn't stop her from wishing that it had never happened. 

Part of her thought she was being silly. After all, what did she really know about Cassian Andor beyond what was printed in newspapers and magazines, all of which Leia had told her was carefully worded to craft his image into what the record label wanted it to be? Nothing. She knew nothing of the man. Nothing of what Cassian was really like. 

And then another part of her would remind herself that that wasn't true. She knew lots of things about Cassian that most people didn't. Like what it felt like to have Cassian's hands running across her sweatslick skin, his lips pressed against her own in a kiss. The tickle of shaggy hair across her stomach as Cassian trailed kisses down her body. The soft, gentle sounds of Cassian drifting off to sleep, curled up along her side. And of course, the biggest secret of all, the one that made it possible for Jyn to know what it was she did about Cassian. The truth of Cassian's heterosexuality.

Jyn shook herself out of the memories and went back to concentrating on the books, making sure that they were in the proper order. Thinking about Cassian was pointless, she reminded herself. Just as all the thoughts from before she had met him were nothing more than fantasy, all the thoughts she was having now were nothing more than delusional. It wasn't like Cassian had sought her out after Jyn had left, had made any attempt to see her again.

Not that he could even if he wanted to, Jyn thought briefly, before shoving all those thoughts to the back of her mind and glancing at her watch. Five after seven. Time to close up the shop. 

Jyn put the last of the books on the shelf, glancing through them one last time to make sure they were in the right order, then headed towards the counter. She shut the radio off and turned towards the register, pausing when she heard the distinct sound of a hardcover book hitting a shelf.

There was someone in the shop. She'd completely forgotten about them.

“I'm sorry,” Jyn called out, “but we're closing now.” She heard the customer drop something. “Sir? Ma'am? If you'd like to make a purchase, I can do that before I close things down. Otherwise, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.”

Jyn turned around and noticed Mister Dodonna's eyeglasses were sitting on the table next to the radio, and so she picked them up and quickly walked back to where the old man's office was, slipping inside and setting the eyeglasses on the desk where they belonged. She made sure the door was shut tight before walking back towards the counter, freezing as she walked from behind the last shelf that had blocked the counter from her view. 

The customer set the book he was holding down on the counter and looked around, smiling when his eyes landed on her. “Hello, Jyn.”

Jyn allowed herself to stare for a moment before forcing herself to walk over to the counter. “Cassian.”

“It's been a long time,” Cassian said, trying to get Jyn to meet his gaze. “I thought I was going to get to see you again at the outdoor show, but you didn't come with Leia.”

“I had to work,” Jyn lied, reaching towards the book Cassian had placed on the counter. “Is this everything?”

“That I want to buy? Yes,” Cassian said softly, hoping Jyn would understand what he was trying to say. “It's good to see you.”

Jyn turned the book over to see which one it was, a soft laugh escaping her lips when she saw the front cover. “ _Journal of the Whills_?”

“I lost my copy somewhere during the last tour,” Cassian said, watching as Jyn punched keys on the register. “How have you been?”

Jyn went to tell Cassian how much it cost but noticed the other man was holding out the correct amount of credits. She took them from her grasp, ignoring the jolt that went through her when her fingers brushed Cassian's. “You don't strike me as the kind of guy who would carry around a copy of _Journal of the Whills_.”

“It's a classic,” Cassian said, laughing slightly. “A lot of the songs Bodhi and I have written together were inspired by passages of that book. But seriously, how are you? I couldn't exactly ask Leia too many questions about you.”

“That's interesting,” Jyn said, pushing the button to open the register's drawer and placing the money inside. “You should mention that in your next interview. It would probably win you some more fans, some of the literary types. Not that you're lacking for fans.”

“If you think I haven't noticed that you're refusing to answer my questions, you're wrong,” Cassian said, reaching out and grabbing Jyn's hand. “Look at me, please.”

Jyn pulled her hand away from Cassian's grasp and locked the register, pushing the book across the counter towards Cassian. “I hope that this new copy inspires many great songs,” Jyn said, her voice beginning to tremble. “Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to close the shop. That means you'll have to leave.”

Cassian stared at Jyn for a few moments, sighing when she wouldn't look up at him. “Fine. If that's what you want.”

Jyn held her breath as Cassian snatched the book from the counter and stalked towards the door, letting it out once she'd heard the bell above the door ring. She took several deep breaths before reaching towards the switch and turning off the lights, happy to be alone once more. She fished through her pocket for the keys as she did her customary last walk through the shop, making sure that no one was left inside, then walked outside and locked the door, waiting until she heard it click. She turned to walk away only to have her gaze caught by the fancy black car parked parallel to the sidewalk, Cassian leaning against its side.

“Can I at least give you a ride home?” Cassian asked softly, the smile that Jyn loved so much playing at his lips. “It looks as though it might rain at any moment. I wouldn't want you to get caught in the storm.”

“Nice car,” Jyn muttered, staring for a moment before walking towards him. “Looks new.”

“I just bought it last week,” Cassian said. “My first indulgence since the money started rolling in.” Cassian pushed himself away from the car and opened the passenger door, smiling at Jyn. “So, a ride home?”

Jyn realized she had no way out of the situation and nodded, climbing into the car as Cassian walked around to the driver's side. Once they were both settled in the privacy of the car, Cassian reached out and grasped Jyn's hand. 

“I've thought about you often,” he said softly. “Wondered what it was you were doing, if you'd found someone else. Drove myself crazy thinking about you sometimes.”

“Don't,” Jyn choked out, pulling her hand away and shaking her head. “Don't say things like that to me.”

Cassian watched Jyn carefully, taking note of the pain radiating off of her. “I'm only saying them because they're true.”

“You're going to drive me home and then walk out of my life again,” Jyn whispered. “I can't......I can't hear things like that. They just make me......please just drive me home.”

Cassian started the car and merged into traffic, driving for a few minutes before speaking again. “I didn't walk out of your life,” he said carefully. “I woke up and you were gone.”

“I had to work,” Jyn said, glancing over at Cassian. “Didn't Leia tell you why I left?”

Cassian shook his head lightly. “I was too scared to ask. She was going around asking everyone what they knew about your night. I was afraid that if I said something, she'd zero in on the fact that you spent it with me.”

“She knows something happened that night, but she doesn't know what,” Jyn said quietly. “I said I'd keep your secret, and I will. Just like you're keeping mine.”

Cassian swallowed hard, briefly looking in Jyn's direction. “I wish it didn't have to be a secret.”

“I don't understand why you hide it from the rest of the guys. They're okay with Han and Leia's relationship. Why wouldn't they be okay with you?”

“It's not that I think they wouldn't be okay with it. It's.......it's one thing to keep your manager's heterosexuality a secret,” Cassian said after a minute. “It becomes something entirely different when it's a member of the band. It's hard to keep anything secret when it comes to the four of us. It bothers us how much some of the guys that hang around know about our lives. There's no way that the truth about me would stay a secret if the band knew. It's just not possible.”

Jyn thought about that for a moment. “I'm sorry you have to live like that.”

“And I'm sorry you have to live the way that you do,” Cassian said, shaking his head.

Jyn stared out the window at the buildings they passed, fully aware that she hadn't told Cassian where she lived and that they were heading in the wrong direction. “Why are you in Yavin? I thought you all lived in Jedha now.”

“We are based in Jedha, but we decided we needed a change of scenery for the new album,” Cassian said. “So we're using the label's Yavin studios. I've never seen Han so happy.”

“Wh—” Jyn started, then cut herself off. “He'll get to spend time with Leia.”

“Exactly,” Cassian said, slowing the car down and making a right turn. “I was happy too. It's been awhile since I've been home for this long. Get to see my family, who I missed a lot. Can't go eat at the restaurant though. Mama said that it's crawling with fans all the time now.”

Jyn let out a choked noise, hanging her head low in embarrassment. “I ate there once. That's when I decided I was officially crazy and needed to reevaluate my life.”

Cassian laughed, looking over at Jyn with a bright smile. “That's cute.”

“No, it's really not,” Jyn said, leaning back in the seat and taking a deep breath. “So how long are you here? I can't believe Leia didn't tell me that the band was going to be in town. Normally, she tells me every single thing she hears about you guys.”

“She didn't know until this morning,” Cassian said softly. “Han wanted to surprise her. We'll be here until the album is finished, and I have no idea when that will be. We really want to put in a lot of studio time on this one. The last two we've sort of rushed through so we could get back out on the road and tour.” 

Jyn nodded and the car fell silent, Cassian making his way through the streets of Yavin, each second taking them further and further from Jyn's apartment. Jyn started to pay attention when Cassian turned off the main motorways and into a neighborhood, winding his way through the side streets until he pulled into a driveway and stopped in front of the gate that blocked it from public access. 

“This isn't where I live.”

“I know,” Cassian said, rolling down the window and reaching for the keypad. “This is where I live.”

Jyn sighed as the gate in front of them began to open, Cassian driving through the opening and up to the house, coming to a stop in front of the walkway. “You said you were going to give me a ride home.”

“I lied,” Cassian said, grinning at Jyn. “Come on, I'll show you around. Nobody else is here. Just the two of us.”

Jyn thought about refusing to get out of the car, about making Cassian drive her home. But instead, she opened the car door and climbed out, staring at the large brick house in front of her. “I thought you said the car was your first indulgence.”

“I don't consider a house an indulgence,” Cassian said, walking towards the front door. “Everyone needs a place to live.”

“Yes, but not everyone needs a place like this to live in,” Jyn said, following behind her.

Cassian smiled as he slid the key into the lock, opening up the door. “I wanted to move my family in here. It's much more secure when it comes to fans and other things, but they refused to leave the house I grew up in.”

Jyn wondered for a moment what those other things might be, then stepped through the doorway. “It's nice that you're so close with your family.”

Cassian followed her into the house and closed the door, redoing the lock. “They sacrificed a lot for me to move to Jedha and join the band. The least I can do is try to pay them back.”

Jyn nodded as she walked further into the house, noticing a sitting area off to the left and what looked like a study to the right, though there was nothing in the room but a couple of chairs. “Do they know?”

“No,” Cassian said, watching Jyn look around. “I think my birth mother suspects, but nothing's ever been said. What about your family?”

Jyn stopped and shook her head. “No. My adoptive father and I disagree on enough without bringing that into it.”

“You're not close?”

“No,” Jyn said, turning around to look at Cassian. “He's still in Onderon. I only really speak to him a couple of times a year. He did not approve of my move to Yavin, but I did it anyway, and everything has been strained since.”

Cassian took a couple of steps towards her, frowning when that made Jyn take a couple of steps back. “Jyn.”

“I don't know why you brought me here,” Jyn said, her voice suddenly thick with emotion. “I really would like you to just take me home.”

Cassian sighed heavily and leaned against the wall, dropping his gaze to the floor. “Did you not.......” he paused and swallowed hard. “Did you not think of me?”

“I thought of you too much,” Jyn admitted, turning her back to Cassian. “But nothing......nothing can ever happen, so I'd rather just get on with trying to forget you.”

Cassian took a deep breath and looked up, letting his eyes wander across Jyn's back. “I don't think I can forget you,” he said softly. “I've told myself so many times over the past weeks and months that I was stupid, being completely hung up on a girl that I don't know anything about, beyond her name and the deepest secret anyone could have. But still I thought about you, remembered you, remembered that night. I know you don't have anything to compare it to, or at least you didn't then, but I do, and God......I don't even know how to explain it. I've been trying to write a song about it, but I can't find the way to put it into words, especially not words that wouldn't tip someone off.”

Jyn looked over her shoulder at Cassian, his expression unreadable. “You've been trying to write about me?”

“Yeah,” Cassian said. “Crazy isn't it? Bodhi thinks I've met some guy that's turned my head inside out. He hates the fact that I won't tell him about him.”

Jyn smiled softly, shaking her head. “And here I was trying to convince myself that I was just another notch on your bedpost.”

“Never,” Cassian said firmly. “You want to talk about someone who does things like that, then we'll talk about one of the other guys. But I never have thought of you that way.”

Jyn sighed as Cassian pushed off of the wall and walked towards her. “It doesn't matter. None of this matters. We can't do this.”

“Jyn,” Cassian said, turning her around to face him. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't want this.” Jyn wouldn't look up, so Cassian grasped her chin and forced her to look at him. “Tell me you don't want this.”

“We can't,” Jyn whispered. “You know we can't.”

“But you want it.”

Jyn closed her eyes and leaned further into Cassian's touch. “I want to know everything there is to know about you. I want to know your body like it's the back of my hand. I want you to want me in the same way. But I can't even begin to let myself believe any of that is possible, because it's not. Not with who you are. Not with the law the way it is. So I just want my memories. Those memories are my indulgence. Now, please take me home.”

“If that's what you want,” Cassian said after a few minutes, letting go of Jyn and taking a step back. “I'll do whatever you want.”

“Thank you,” Jyn whispered, opening her eyes to meet Cassian's gaze, swallowing hard when she saw the longing in them. 

She walked back to the front door, Cassian following a few moments later. They stood at the door, Cassian's hand on the lock, staring at one another, both knowing that if they walked through that door, whatever it was they had between them would be over for good. Cassian finally broke their gaze, taking a shuddering breath as he started to turn the lock, gasping when Jyn's hand suddenly covered his, stopping his fingers' movement. Cassian brought his gaze back to her as Jyn took a step closer, curling her fingers around Cassian's wrist and pulling it away from the lock.

“Jyn,” he breathed out.

“Have I ever told you that I love the way you say my name?” Jyn asked softly, taking another step towards Cassian. “Did you plan this?”

“Plan this?” Cassian asked, confused.

“Being at the shop at close, bringing me here.”

Cassian shook his head. “I swear to you, I had no idea you worked in that book shop. I noticed it while I drove by and it made me think about needing another copy of _Journal of the Whills_ , so I circled around and came back so I could get a copy before I forgot about it. I didn't even know you were in there until you called out that you were closing. But once I saw you, I had to try. I've thought about you too much not to try.”

Jyn swallowed hard. “I'm scared, Cassian. So scared. If anyone finds out...”

“I am too,” Cassian whispered, leaning his head forward to meet Jyn's. “But it can be done, Jyn. Han and Leia are an example of that.”

“I didn't regret the first night,” Jyn said, curling a hand around Cassian's neck, “and I know I told you to take me home. But I feel like if I leave now, I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life.”

Cassian smiled, wrapping his arms around Jyn's waist and pulling her close. “Well, I don't want you to have any regrets, so I guess that means you're not leaving.”

Jyn sighed happily as Cassian closed the distance between them, their lips meeting in a gentle kiss. “I want this,” she murmured against Cassian's lips. “Don't ever doubt that I want this.”

“I believe I promised you a next time,” Cassian breathed out, running his hands along Jyn's spine. “I intended it to be that night, but since you wore me out, that didn't happen.”

Jyn blushed slightly as the memories of Cassian's bare skin pressed against her flared up in her mind. “There hasn't been anyone else,” she whispered. “I haven't......it......I mean, last time, afterward, I was......”

Cassian kissed her hard, and Jyn wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him as close as possible. 

“I didn't mean to hurt you,” Cassian said softly after they broke apart. “I was too blinded by my own lust; I didn't take good enough care of you. If I could go back and do that night over again, I'd treat you much better.”

“No,” Jyn said, shaking her head. “I wouldn't want that night any other way. That's not what I'm trying to say. You didn't hurt me.”

Cassian kissed her again. “Then what are you trying to say?”

Jyn felt her cheeks flush again, ducking her head down to avoid Cassian's gaze. “I'm trying to say I liked it, that I could still feel......I liked it a lot. And last time, you said that the next time would be slow and gentle, but I'm not sure I want that.”

Cassian stared at Jyn for a moment as her words sunk in. “The first woman I was ever with was this bartender in Jedha named Hera. She ended up being friends with Han, which is how Han found out about me. But Hera told me there's three ways to have sex. You can fuck, you can make love, or you can do something in between those two extremes. She said that you fuck until you find someone that you want to be with more than once, then you find the in between with that person, but you won't make love until you find the right person.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Jyn mumbled, chancing a look up at Cassian. 

“It's my rather lengthy way of saying that I think we can find that in between. Hard enough and gentle enough at the same time to please us both. I don't want to hurt you, Jyn.”

“You didn't hurt me,” Jyn said firmly, looking Cassian straight in the eyes. “And you won't hurt me. I trust you, Cassian.”

“Why? You hardly know me.”

“I don't know,” Jyn said, shaking her head lightly. “But I do. You trust me, and you hardly know me.”

“How do you know I trust you?”

Jyn smiled at him, tangling her fingers in Cassian's hair. “You never would have sat in that hallway and told me girls interest you if you didn't trust me. And you had absolutely no reason to trust me with that piece of information when you offered it up. You knew nothing about me, other than the fact that I was Leia's friend.”

“We really need to learn more about each other,” Cassian said, pulling back and taking Jyn's hand. “But first, I think we should work on finding our in between.”

Jyn smiled as Cassian led her towards the stairs, laughing as he took them two at a time in order to get to the bedroom faster. “You said nobody's here, right?”

Cassian paused at the top of the stairs, pulling Jyn into his arms again. “Just the two of us.”

“So, I wouldn't have to bite my tongue this time, right?” 

Cassian groaned and captured Jyn's lips in a passionate kiss, walking them backwards until they were in the bedroom, pausing only to kick the door shut.


	3. Chapter 3

_And one of these days, I'll be able to tell you how much I love you ...._

Cassian glanced up at Jyn, his fingers finding the last few notes on the guitar. “What do you think?”

“It's beautiful,” Jyn said, smiling as Cassian set the guitar to the side and crawled back up the bed. “It'll be a hit, no doubt.”

Cassian settled along Jyn's side and bent to give her a sweet kiss. “I don't know if it's something we'll record. It's a little slow for us.”

“You should record it,” Jyn said, tangling her hands in Cassian's hair. “You guys can slow down a little for a song that gorgeous.”

Cassian smiled and brought their lips together again, sliding on top of Jyn and straddling her hips. “The last two weeks have been amazing,” he said softly, brushing a lock of hair out of Jyn's eyes. “You're amazing.”

Jyn felt a faint blush cross her cheeks, shaking her head lightly. “You're the amazing one, rock star. I'm just a lowly girl who works in a book shop and has no talent.”

“What am I going to have to do to get you to realize how wonderful you are?” Cassian whispered, bending down to press a kiss to her forehead. “Because you are, Jyn. You really are.”

Jyn took a shuddering breath, looking up into Cassian's eyes. “I've been told my whole life that I'm nothing more than useless,” she said softly, her voice sad. “That I wasn't good enough to do anything that would really mean something. And my adoptive father's right. The only thing I can do is alphabetize books and put them on shelves. That's it.”

“You're not useless,” Cassian said firmly, trailing kisses down Jyn's throat. “Definitely not.”

Jyn hissed as Cassian nipped at the paperthin skin at the base of her neck, frowning as pain radiated from the spot. “Leia is going to go insane when she sees that mark. I had her convinced that I'm not one for one night stands.”

Cassian laughed, sliding his tongue over the sensitive spot before pulling back to see the purple of the bruise. “I couldn't help it. And this isn't a one night stand.”

“No, it's not, but I'm going to try to convince Leia that that mark came from one,” Jyn said, sighing contentedly as Cassian's lips found her collarbone. “I have to leave.”

“Mmm,” Cassian moaned against Jyn's skin. “No, you don't.”

Jyn sighed as Cassian's hands slid up and down her sides, sending shivers down her spine. “I can't stay the night, Cassian. We talked about this.”

Cassian groaned and rolled off of Jyn, running his hands over his face. “I want to wake up next to you in the morning. I haven't gotten to do that yet.”

“I know,” Jyn said softly, turning onto her side and putting a hand on Cassian's arm. “But if someone sees me show up with you at night and then not leave until the next morning......”

Cassian growled and climbed off the bed, snatching up his guitar and stalking towards its case. “Why the fuck can't people just leave us alone?!” he yelled out, kicking the case and sending it crashing into the wall. “Who the fuck is Palpatine to tell me how I have to live my life?! Why the fuck does anyone think they have the right to tell us how to live?!”

Jyn sighed and sat up, running a hand through her hair. “I know, Cassian, god, do I know, but there's nothing we can do about it. Getting upset won't change anything.”

“I know,” Cassian said, resignation in his voice as his shoulders slumped, the guitar slipping from his hand and crashing to the floor. “Fucking hell, I know.”

Jyn shoved the bedsheet back and climbed from the bed, bending down to slide her shirt on before walking across the room towards Cassian. She approached him slowly, her hand tentatively reaching out and touching the soft skin of Cassian's back. “Cassian?”

“The first thing I ever fell in love with was music,” Cassian said softly. “The harmonies and the melodies, the beauty of a guitar solo, the complement of the bass to the rest of the music, just knowing that it wouldn't be the same without it. I think that's why I was driven towards the bass guitar more than just a regular guitar, so I could be that complement, you know? I played in whatever band would have me around Yavin after I'd taught myself how to play, and they were all shit, to be honest. It was starting to feel like it was never going to go anywhere. My adoptive mothers were pushing me to forget about it and work full time at the restaurant, I barely had any credits to my name, and the band I was playing with at the time was so awful I don't even know how we kept our regular gig. But I was so in love with music that I couldn't give it up. I just couldn't.”

Jyn smiled and took a step closer to Cassian, letting her arm slide around his waist. She knew this story, had read about it in magazines, but she felt privileged to hear it straight from the man himself. “And then Han saw you.”

“Han...” Cassian shook his head. “I owe absolutely everything I have to Han. He came into that ridiculous dive of a bar, watched ten minutes of our show, and saw something in me that I didn't even know was there. The next week I was on a flight to Jedha to join a band I'd never heard of, that didn't have a record deal, that didn't have anything but a manager with ambition and a bunch of talent that he couldn't get anyone to recognize. And then I was in the back of a van with these three other guys traveling around, and we were playing more dive bars but there was a connection there, one like I'd never felt before. We were good. First time I'd ever been in a band that was really, really good. Then Han got us an audition with Obi-Wan Kenobi, and suddenly we had a recording contract and were making an album, and.......”

Cassian drifted off and Jyn pressed a soft kiss to the back of his neck, smiling when Cassian leaned back into the embrace. “And you became a famous rock star, who makes more money in a month than I'll probably ever make in a lifetime, and you get to enjoy the adulation and the feeling of being appreciated for your talents.”

Cassian huffed. “I live in a cage. We all do. The others experience the same stuff I do, but it's worse for me. They can go out on dates and fall in love with a hundred different guys and be photographed at clubs and bars at all hours of the night and no one thinks anything of it. But me, I have to be so careful at all times. If I get photographed coming out of a bar, Han is all over me about what I was doing there and who I was with. He made me promise that if I ever met anyone, ever started anything like this, that I'd tell him.”

“Have you?”

Cassian shook his head before gently leaning it back against Jyn's shoulder. “No.”

“Why not?” Jyn asked, brushing a kiss along Cassian's temple. 

“Because I don't want to,” Cassian said softly. “I like it this way, just the two of us. Once Han gets involved, I'm afraid that it will start feeling like just another part of my life that I don't have control over. Not that I'm trying to say I have control over you or something, but...”

“I understand what you mean,” Jyn said. “I like it just being the two of us too. Even if I am used to telling Leia practically every last detail of my life.”

“Leia's probably dying to know what it is you're hiding from her.” Cassian spun around in Jyn's embrace, bringing their lips together in a soft kiss. “Stay.”

“Cassian......”

“No one saw us, Jyn. Stay.”

Jyn shook her head and tried to pull away, but Cassian's arms wrapped around her waist and held her in place. “I won't do anything that will jeopardize things for you, Cassian.”

“One night won't,” Cassian said, kissing Jyn again. “I've never gotten to wake up with someone that I've cared about. Please, Jyn. Just once.”

Jyn stared at Cassian for a moment before a shy smile crossed her face. “You care about me?”

“Isn't it obvious?” Cassian asked, stealing another kiss. “I don't waste my time on people or things that I don't care about. Not when I could be spending that time with someone or something that I do care about.”

Jyn dropped her gaze down, eyes drinking in the sight of Cassian's bare chest. “I......sometimes it's hard for me to believe that I'm actually here with you, that this is actually happening. I couldn't begin to think that you might care for me. I, um, I wanted you for so long when you were nothing more than this idealistic dream, but now I know you, actually know you, and it's even better than I imagined it would be. But I'm terrified that I'm going to wake up some morning, and all of this will have been nothing but a dream.”

Cassian leaned his forehead against Jyn's, smiling softly when his lover's eyes drifted up to meet his. “This isn't a dream, Jyn. Or if it is, then it's one I don't want to wake up from.”

“I don't know why you're interested in me,” Jyn whispered. “You should want someone smart and funny, someone that is actually going to make something of themselves. Someone you'd be proud to take home to meet your parents.”

Cassian shook his head, bringing his hands up to cup Jyn's face. “One of these days, you're going to have to tell me what it was that happened to make you so unsure of yourself. I don't know why it is you think you aren't any of the things you just mentioned. You are extremely intelligent, far more so than anyone else I spend any time with, to be completely honest. You make me laugh and you make me smile and I wish I could introduce you to my mothers because I think they'd really like you. My sisters would definitely approve, and probably go on and on about how utterly gorgeous you are. And I refuse to believe anything other than the fact that someday, you'll figure out what it is you want from life, and then you'll go out there and get it.”

“I'm not sure I believe you,” Jyn said softly, laughing slightly at the frown that crossed Cassian's face. “You've got time to convince me to though.”

“Oh, I will. It's being added to my mental list of life goals as we speak,” Cassian said, walking Jyn backwards towards the bed. “Top priority at the moment, however, is getting you to stay the night.”

Jyn laughed as Cassian pushed her back onto the bed, smiling as the younger man straddled her hips. “You're not going to take no for an answer tonight, are you?”

“No, I'm not,” Cassian said, bending down and kissing her hard. “I want to wake up beside you in the morning. I want to know what it feels like to open my eyes and have you be the first thing that I see.”

Jyn closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “One night. We cannot make this a habit. So you have to promise me that it will be tonight and that's it. No more trying to convince me to stay every night.”

Cassian grinned and climbed off of Jyn, heading back to where he'd dropped his guitar. “Promise. Get settled in bed, and I'll put this away quickly then come join you.”

Jyn stood up and took her shirt off, then situated herself so she was lying on what had become her side of the mattress, head resting on the pillow and the bedsheet hanging around her chest. Cassian joined her moments later, pausing to turn off the lamp before climbing onto the bed and sliding into Jyn's embrace. 

“Good night, Jyn.”

“Good night, Cassian.”

That night, they both slept better than they had in months.


	4. Chapter 4

_six months later......_

“I'm not sure this is a good idea.”

Cassian frowned as he shut his front door, tearing his gaze away from Jyn to make sure it locked properly. “You're not sure what is a good idea?”

“Going to Corellia with you,” Jyn said, taking off her jacket.

Cassian shook his head and reached for Jyn's jacket, hanging it onto the coat rack. “We're not going to get caught.”

“How can you think that we're not going to get caught?!” Jyn exclaimed, shaking her head and walking towards Cassian's kitchen. “The two of us alone in Corellia? We're totally going to get caught.”

Cassian followed Jyn into the kitchen and opened one of the cupboards, pulling down two wine glasses. “First off, we're not going to be alone. We're going to be with Han and Leia.”

“That's worse,” Jyn said, pulling a chair out from the table and collapsing down into it. “I think Leia knows.”

Cassian froze for a moment, then continued to open the bottle of wine. “I'd have heard about it from Han if Leia knew. Han would be all over me for keeping this a secret.”

“No, no,” Jyn said, shaking her head. “I think Leia knows about me. I think she knows that I'm heterosexual.”

Cassian filled up the two glasses and then walked over to the table, setting a glass down in front of Jyn before taking the seat next to her. “What makes you think that Leia knows?”

Jyn fell silent, reaching for her glass and sipping at the red wine. “Ever since I found out about her and about Han, she's done this thing every time the subject of the two of them come up. I'll respond to whatever it is she's said, and then she'll just stop and look at me, like she's waiting for me to tell her the truth. I'm convinced she knows.”

Cassian reached out to tangle his fingers with Jyn's when Jyn set her glass back on the table. “Even if Leia does know, I don't see how that translates into us getting caught.”

“If Leia knows, that means it's likely that Han knows,” Jyn said, looking over at Cassian. “And if Leia knows about you, then......”

Cassian laughed slightly. “You think Leia would try to set us up?”

“I know Leia has tried to set me up with every girl she's met in Yavin,” Jyn said, sighing heavily. “She's always saying that I need someone. She thinks that would make me happier than I usually am.”

Cassian took a big sip of his wine. “Has it?”

Jyn turned towards Cassian and smiled. “Yeah, it has.”

Cassian smiled back and set his wine glass on the table, reaching for Jyn. Jyn sighed softly as their lips met, her hand coming up to tangle in Cassian's hair as she deepened the kiss. Cassian pulled back slightly, nipping at Jyn's bottom lip before releasing her completely. “It's going to be really hard to pretend that meeting at the train station in the morning is only the second time we've ever met.”

Jyn sighed heavily and reached for her glass, downing the rest of its contents. “We're definitely going to get caught.”

Cassian watched as Jyn set the glass back on the table, running his fingertip around the rim. “Would Han and Leia knowing about us be such a bad thing?”

“Leia is the only person I have to talk to about things. It's been so difficult keeping this from her,” Jyn said softly. “But with every person that knows, the harder it's going to be to keep it a secret. And this has to be kept a secret, for both our sakes. Mainly yours, but I don't want to go to prison in Oovo.”

“You can talk to me,” Cassian said, reaching for Jyn's glass and standing up. “More?”

“Why don't you just bring the bottle over here?” Jyn said, leaning her head back against the chair. “And I cannot talk to you about you, so that wouldn't work.”

Cassian snatched the bottle of wine off the kitchen counter and walked back to where Jyn was sitting. “You could talk to me about other things,” he said, setting Jyn's glass down on the table before refilling it. “You don't really do that.”

Jyn picked up her glass as Cassian sat back down, taking a long drink from it. “I don't think I would have anything to say that would interest you.”

“You could talk about how the sky is blue and it would interest me. If you were with Leia right now, what would you be talking about?”

Jyn turned to look at Cassian, watching as he topped off his glass. “Seriously?”

“Yes,” Cassian said, picking up his glass. “I want to know more about you, Jyn. Talk to me.”

Jyn sighed and took another drink. “Saw. We'd be talking about Saw.”

Cassian paused for a moment, then turned to look at his lover. “Who is Saw?”

“My adoptive father,” Jyn said, laughing when a look of relief crossed Cassian's face. “Come on, you already knew you were the only one.”

“That's had you, yes,” Cassian said. “That you wanted? No.”

Jyn smiled at that. “There were a few before you,” she said softly. “But ever since I first saw you on television performing Man of the Night, it's been you.”

“That's the first song you ever saw us perform?” Cassian laughed. “That song was supposed to be a complete joke. Bodhi wrote it after he had this fling with a guy from Tatooine. 'Man of the night, it's morning, why are you still here?' It's so obvious what that song is about, but Han loved it, and he made us play it for Obi-Wan. And then he loved it, and so it ended up on the album, and then it turned into a single. We laughed so ridiculously hard when it hit number one. I can't believe that's the first song you ever saw us perform.”

“Well, it is,” Jyn said, finishing off her glass of wine. “I didn't know Bodhi wrote it. I always thought you did since you were the one singing lead.”

Cassian laughed again. “He made me sing lead so the guy from Tatooine wouldn't realize he'd written it about him!”

Jyn laughed as she set her empty glass on the table. “You really want me to talk to you about Saw?”

“I didn't even know your adoptive father's name until a few minutes ago, so yes. I'd like to know if you know your birth parents too, if you'd be willing to tell me.”

“I did know my birth parents. They were friends of Saw's. My birth mother, Lyra, died when I was young,” Jyn said after a few minutes. “My birth father, Galen, was a scientist and he was taken by the Empire to work on some major project in Eadu. As for Saw, he has a hatred of heterosexuals that I cannot even begin to explain. So it was obviously a very interesting household to grow up in. He doesn't know about me, though I think that he suspects since I wasn't very interested in dating any girls while I was in school. And if he did know, he'd cut me out of his life in an instant. We clash so much already over everything in my life, there's no way he could see past the hetero thing and realize I'm still me. Plus he's still furious that I didn't want to take up the Gerrera family business.”

“You talk as though he'd hate you,” Cassian observed. “I don't see how that's possible.”

Jyn sighed heavily, running her hands through her hair. “One hundred and something years ago, some ancestor of his was a tailor, and he opened up this shop. The shop has been passed down generation to generation, eventually to Saw, and he always assumed that he would some day turn it over to me. The problem with that is I have absolutely no desire to mend hems or sew dresses for the rest of my life. So I saved all the money I made working in the shop during school, and once I was finished, I told him that I didn't want to work at the shop anymore and that I was going to move here. I might as well as told him was heterosexual then too, by the way that he reacted. He went on and on about tradition and family history and what did I think I was going to do with my life if not this, and all kinds of stuff. When I told him what I really wanted to do, he basically told me that I was stupid for ever thinking that it would be possible, and that until I came to my senses, I was no longer a part of the family. I moved here two days later.”

“He just gave up on you like that?” Cassian said, confusion in his voice. “How can a parent do that to their child?”

Jyn laughed. “His sister is an actress at the local playhouse. She's very melodramatic, and Saw just gets swept up into it. I think they probably thought I'd back down after a couple of days, then probably thought I'd come home after a couple of weeks. But I was serious, and so I never have, and it's turned into this huge resentment between us that I don't even have the slightest idea how to fix.”

Cassian went to speak, but Jyn slid her chair back and stood up. “I don't want to talk about this anymore. I always end up getting upset, and I don't want to do that tonight.”

Cassian watched as Jyn disappeared down the hallway, polishing off his glass of wine before getting up and going after her. He found Jyn in the music room, standing at the piano and running her fingers over the framed photograph of Cassian's family that sat on top of it. “Jyn?”

“I am so jealous of you,” Jyn said, her voice tinged with sadness. “Every time you tell me we can't meet up because you're spending time with your parents, or you start talking about how you took your little sisters to the park. You still have your family. I don't.”

Cassian walked over to the piano and pulled Jyn into his arms, tightening his embrace when Jyn buried her face in his neck. They stood there silently, Jyn drawing comfort from Cassian's embrace, until Cassian turned his head and pressed a kiss to Jyn's temple. “I know it's not the same, but you've got me.”

“Do I?” Jyn choked out. “I mean......”

Cassian swallowed hard as he recognized the pain in Jyn's voice. “Don't you know how much you mean to me?”

“How many times do I have to tell you?” Jyn said softly. “I cannot let myself believe that you care about me.”

Cassian pulled back, grasping Jyn's face and forcing her to look at him. “At the beginning, I could understand that. But it's been six months, Jyn, six months of something incredible and amazing. You're incredible and amazing. I'll admit that I tried, but I couldn't stop it from happening.”

“Stop what from happening?” Jyn muttered.

“Falling in love with you,” Cassian said softly. “I knew that I shouldn't, but I fell in love with you anyway.”

Jyn took a deep breath and stared deep into Cassian's eyes, allowing herself to recognize the love that was shining there. “You did?”

“Yes,” Cassian said, bringing their lips together gently. “I love you, Jyn.”

“I love you too,” Jyn murmured against Cassian's lips. “But I think you probably knew that already.”

Cassian laughed and Jyn dropped her head back down to Cassian's shoulder. “Just so long as it's me you're in love with, not your fantasy of me.”

Jyn chuckled and nipped at the base of Cassian's throat. “It's you.”

“Then that settles it,” Cassian said, breaking away from Jyn to sit down at the piano. “We've got each other, and that's all that matters.”

Jyn sat down next to him, smiling as Cassian started to play something she'd never heard before. “New song?”

“Just a melody that's been running through my head the last few days. Haven't decided if I should do anything with it or not.” Cassian played a few more notes before sighing heavily. “So are you going to tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“What it is you wanted to do with your life that Saw objected to so strongly?”

Jyn stayed silent and Cassian started playing again, random notes strung together to fill the silence.

“It's stupid.”

Cassian stopped playing. “I guarantee you it's not.”

“I wanted to write a book,” Jyn mumbled, turning her face away from Cassian. “That's the reason why I work in a book shop as opposed to somewhere else.”

“You wanted to write a book?” Cassian asked. “You don't anymore?”

“No, it's......it's kind of already written.”

Cassian smiled. “Good. Have you tried to get it published?”

“No, no,” Jyn said, shaking her head. “I just......I don't want to talk about this. I have to leave.”

Cassian frowned then looked over at the clock, letting out a resigned sigh when he realized the time. “It's nearly one o'clock in the morning.”

“I know, I'm sorry. Mister Dodonna kept me late going through all this new inventory since I am taking the next few days off, and then as soon as I walked in the door of my apartment, Leia called to make sure I knew the plan for tomorrow morning, and then I had a hell of a time getting a taxi to take me to that corner store just outside your neighborhood.”

Cassian looked over at her with some confusion. “Why did you want to go to the corner store?”

“I didn't,” Jyn said. “That's where I always have the taxis drop me off. I walk the rest of the way here.”

“Why?”

“I don't want some nosy taxi driver questioning why I want to be dropped off at your house,” Jyn said. “That's the last thing we need. Especially since I come over here practically every night.”

“You should let me pick you up. Then, not only would you get here faster, but you wouldn't have to worry about taxi drivers.”

Jyn shook her head. “You showing up in that fancy car of yours would just cause a scene. You showing up anywhere causes a scene.”

“Don't remind me.” Cassian sighed and banged his hands against the keys. “I suppose I shouldn't complain about the fact that you're about to leave since I'm going to spend the next five days with you.”

“You will see me again in six hours,” Jyn said, standing up. “And as soon as Han and Leia disappear, I am taking you straight to bed.”

Cassian grinned and stood up, wrapping his arms around Jyn's waist. “Oh, is that so?”

“Well, I just thought that you'd want to,” Jyn said, blushing slightly.

“Oh, I want to,” Cassian said, bringing their lips together softly. “Let me drive you home?”

Jyn stared at Cassian for a moment, taking note of the steely resolve on her lover's face. “I can't say no to this, can I?”

“No, you can't,” Cassian said, taking Jyn by the hand and leading her out of the room. “I'll drive you home, and then I'll see you at the train station in the morning. Just remember, we've only met once.”


	5. Chapter 5

“They get the big house, and we get the guest house?” Cassian asked, glancing over at Jyn. “That doesn't seem fair to me.”

Jyn laughed. “This place belongs to Han's friend, that means Han gets to make up the rules. And I honestly don't care where it is I'm staying so long as I get you all to myself for the next few days.”

Cassian shifted onto his side, taking in the sight of Jyn lying next to him, looking thoroughly debauched. “What's your book about?”

Jyn burst out laughing. “You're asking me this now?”

“Come on, humor me,” Cassian said, reaching out and tangling his fingers with Jyn's. “What's your book about?”

Jyn sighed heavily before staring up at the ceiling. “It takes place during a war.”

“So it's a war novel?” Cassian asked, drawing Jyn's gaze towards him. 

“No,” Jyn said, shaking her head before blushing slightly. “It's a love story.”

Cassian smiled at her. “I bet it would sell a lot of copies. People like love stories.”

“Not love stories like this one,” Jyn said, turning her gaze back towards the ceiling. “It would never get published anyway.”

“Why not?”

Jyn shook her head and pulled her hand free from Cassian's grasp, bringing her arm up to cover her eyes. “It just wouldn't.”

Cassian wasn't going to take that for an answer. He moved around until he was straddling Jyn's hips, staring down at his lover. “Why wouldn't it get published, Jyn?”

Jyn reached up and pulled Cassian down to her, kissing his lips lightly. “It's not your typical love story.”

“I would think that would be a good reason to publish it,” Cassian said, resting his head against Jyn's shoulder. “It would be different than what's out there.”

Jyn sighed as Cassian's hand rubbed gentle circles along her side. “It's heterosexual.” Cassian's movement stopped, and Jyn swallowed hard. “It was my way of getting thoughts of ever having a relationship with a man out of my head. I never thought I'd end up in a situation like this.”

Cassian pressed a kiss to Jyn's shoulder, smiling softly at her when Jyn turned to look. “Tell me about it?”

Jyn let her eyes drift close as she rested her head against the pillow, enjoying the comfortable weight of Cassian against her. “Hera and Kanan. Those are my two main characters. Kanan owns several businesses around Yavin, and Hera works in his clothes shop. Kanan comes into the shop to take care of some business and meets Hera, and while it's not love at first sight, it's something. So they start to see each other, very discreetly of course. Drinks at a bar here, dinner at a restaurant there, conversation always business related. Then one night, they end up back at Kanan's place, having gotten themselves quite drunk at a bar earlier in the evening, and they wind up in bed together. It doesn't really go anywhere beyond that. They're just together, and happy, even though no one else can know about it.”

“Sort of like us,” Cassian murmured, prompting Jyn to smile.

“Yeah, sort of like us.” Jyn reached out and brushed a lock of hair from Cassian's eyes. “You stared at me the entire time we were on the train.”

“I couldn't help it,” Cassian said softly. “You're beautiful.”

“You can't do things like that,” Jyn whispered. “You can't.”

Cassian reached up and caught Jyn's hand, bringing it down and kissing it gently. “We were in a private car, Jyn. No one was there but Han and Leia.”

“Yeah, and Leia noticed,” Jyn said quickly. “She elbowed me in the ribs about fifteen minutes in and told me you were staring at me. Then she did it again and again and again because you were still staring at me. You were engrossed in conversation with Han, but you were staring at me.”

“That's because you're far more interesting than Han,” Cassian laughed, shaking his head when he saw Jyn frown. “Jyn, to be perfectly honest with you, I don't want to waste our time together talking about this. This weekend is the only time we've got left.”

Jyn felt her breath catch, and she turned her gaze back to the ceiling. “You're leaving.”

“He didn't tell me until we were on the train,” Cassian said, squeezing Jyn's hand. “I would have told you sooner had I known.”

Jyn took a moment to keep her composure before glancing over at Cassian. “I know. So what is it? Back to Jedha?”

Cassian shook his head. “Hoth.”

“Hoth?” Jyn choked out.

“The label wanted us to branch out some more, so we released some songs in different sectors. We've got three songs in the top fifteen on the Hoth charts at the moment. If things keep going well there, then the plan is to release those same songs in Bespin.”

Jyn closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths to calm herself. “You never told me any of that.”

“Because I liked being able to talk to someone about something other than the band,” Cassian said, kissing Jyn's hand again. “And I honestly didn't think that the whole Hoth thing was going to work. I didn't think this would happen.”

They laid in silence for the next several minutes, Jyn lost in emotions she'd never felt before and Cassian waiting patiently for his lover to speak. 

“How long?” Jyn eventually asked, her voice strained. 

“We're spending two weeks in Hoth, but as soon as we get back from there, we start touring the sector to promote the new album,” Cassian said softly. “Once we're done with this half of the sector, then it will be on to Naboo and Tatooine to do the same thing.”

“That doesn't answer my question. How long?”

“I'm not entirely sure,” Cassian said, rolling off Jyn and onto his back. “Months. I'm sure we'll be in Yavin for at least a day or two somewhere in the middle of all that, though. Hopefully we'll be there long enough that I'll be able to sneak off and see you.”

Jyn pulled her hand away from Cassian's grasp and climbed from the bed, snagging her shirt up from where it had landed on the floor. Cassian sat up as Jyn gathered up the rest of her clothes, his body tight with concern and alarm. “Jyn?”

“Don't talk to me,” Jyn said, quickly putting her clothes back on and heading towards the door. “Don't follow me either. I just need some time alone.”

Cassian watched helplessly as Jyn walked out of the room, dropping back down to the mattress when he heard the front door slam shut. He fought off the urge to run after her, burying his face in his pillow and hoping that Jyn would be back soon.

Jyn stood outside the door to the guest house, glancing around the grounds that separated the small white cottage from the main estate. The evening was just settling into dusk, the sun slipping below the horizon and beginning to cover everything in shadow. She noticed a light on in one of the upstairs rooms of the main house, smiling when the sound of Leia laughing drifted to her through an open window, knowing that she would never interrupt Leia's time with Han, no matter how desperately she needed to talk to her.

Not that she could talk to her. Not about this.

She sighed and sat down on the front steps, burying her head in her hands. She was being ridiculous, beyond unreasonable, and she knew it, but even that couldn't stop the way she felt. She'd always known that Cassian was going to have to leave, that the past six months had been an exception not the rule, but she had never thought that Cassian leaving would affect her so much. 

She sat there as all the light faded from the sky and the warmth left the air, leaving it dark and cool. A stream of light suddenly appeared from behind her, and she glanced back to see the door open, Cassian leaning against the doorway. “I thought I told you not to follow me.”

“That was nearly an hour ago,” Cassian said, stepping out and closing the door behind him. “I was getting worried.”

Jyn sighed as Cassian walked over and sat down next to her. “I didn't realize I'd been sitting here that long.”

“The last thing in the world I want to do right now is leave you, Jyn,” Cassian said softly. “If I could figure out some way to bring you along with us, I would.”

“I wouldn't go,” Jyn murmured. “My life is in Yavin. Besides, that would be too risky.”

“I wasn't lying last night,” Cassian said, putting his hand on Jyn's knee. “I love you. And that means I'm going to come back.”

“Maybe you shouldn't.” The words were out of Jyn's mouth before she could stop them, and she turned away from Cassian. 

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Cassian asked, grasping Jyn's elbow and pulling her back towards him. “You can't fucking mean that.”

“I don't,” Jyn mumbled, falling against Cassian's side and sighing when her lover's arm wrapped around her waist. “I don't, but maybe I should. Maybe I should wake up and realize that this is nothing more than a dream that cannot exist in reality. Nothing can come of this. We have no future, just like how the stupid characters in my stupid book have no future. We cannot be together, Cassian.”

Cassian leaned his head against Jyn's, staring out into the darkness. “Maybe I'm a dreamer, maybe I'm nothing but an idiot, I don't know. But I know this isn't going to last, Jyn. A day is going to come when we don't have to hide who we are, or how we feel for each other, and when it does, I want to celebrate that day with you. I want to take you home to meet my parents and I want you to go with me when I take my sisters to the park. I want it to be okay to hold your hand in public and to have dinner with you in some fancy restaurant without Han hounding me about it.” 

Cassian pressed a soft kiss to Jyn's forehead. “I never thought that I'd find you, Jyn. I never thought I'd have anything more than clandestine one night stands with women I'd never see again. But I have found you, and I'm not going to let go. Not for any reason.”

Jyn let Cassian's words wash over her, their meaning slowly sinking in. “That song,” she said after a few minutes. “The slow one. And one of these days, I'll be able to tell you how much I love you ...”

“It's about you,” Cassian said, answering the unspoken question.

“You barely knew me,” Jyn whispered.

“I knew enough.”

“You said you fought it.”

“I did, but I've been losing that fight since the first time I saw you. I was always going to lose that fight.”

Jyn turned towards Cassian, sighing happily when their lips met. “I lost that fight a long time ago,” she murmured. “Back when you were nothing more than a dream.”

“I'm not a dream anymore.”

“I know,” Jyn whispered, kissing Cassian gently. “I know.”

“I promise you that I'm coming back,” Cassian said softly. “Every chance I get, I'm going to be with you. The rest of the world can just fucking deal with it.”

“The rest of the world can't fucking know,” Jyn said firmly. “No one else can.”

Cassian pulled Jyn closer to him, kissing her hard. “Good, 'cause I don't want to share you with anyone.”

Jyn laughed, making Cassian smile. “So we've got the weekend then?”

Cassian nodded. “We're leaving for Hoth like six hours after we get back to Yavin or something crazy like that.”

Jyn nodded, pulling away from Cassian and standing up. “We better make the most of it then.”

Cassian grinned and stood up, backing Jyn up against the door and kissing her hard as he fumbled for the doorknob. His fingers grasped it after a moment, getting the door open and falling through the doorway with Jyn, landing hard on the floor of the entry way. He pulled back to make sure Jyn was alright only to be greeted by the sight of his lover laughing. 

Cassian shook his head and dropped his head down, capturing Jyn's lips in a searing kiss. Jyn's arms came up around his neck, pulling Cassian deeper into the kiss, as Cassian's hands slid underneath the shirt that Jyn was wearing. 

Jyn broke the kiss and shook her head, gently rolling Cassian off of her. “Bed. We need a bed.”

Cassian grinned and stood up, pulling Jyn up with him. “I thought you liked having sex in my entry way.”

Jyn kicked the door shut and pulled Cassian towards the bedroom. “I prefer a bed.”

“I'll have to remember that.”


	6. Chapter 6

_four months later..._

“Look, Jyn! It's the Adminstrator's Palace!”

Jyn tore her gaze away from her window and looked across the seat at Leia, laughing when she saw her friend bouncing with excitement. “Leia, we've been wandering around Cloud City for almost two hours. We've been past the palace at least twice. Can you please calm down? Just a little?”

“I've never been to Cloud City before! I'm allowed to enjoy it!” Leia slapped at Jyn's arm before shaking her head. She glanced at the taxi driver before lowering her voice to a soft whisper. “Besides, once we get to the hotel, I don't think I'll be seeing any more of Cloud City than the inside of Han's hotel room.”

Jyn reached over and messed up Leia's hair. “It's been a long time since we've seen the band,” she said softly, smiling when Leia smiled at her. “It'll be good to see them.”

“It's been so long,” Leia said wistfully, turning her gaze back to the window. “For both of us.”

“Yeah,” Jyn said, glancing down at her hands. “It has been.”

Leia sighed heavily. “Tell me.”

“There's nothing to tell.”

“You keep saying that and I keep knowing it's a lie. It's killing you not to tell anybody, Jyn. Tell me.”

Jyn huffed. “If there was anything to tell, which there's not, I would not do it in the back of a taxi.”

“You have been utterly miserable ever since we got back from Corellia,” Leia said softly. “And according to Han, a certain bass player has been utterly miserable ever since they went back on the road. Pardon me for believing that is not a coincidence.”

“Leia...”

“I know, I know, you're not telling me because there's nothing to tell,” Leia said, looking over at Jyn. “I'm not stupid. Something is going on that you're not telling me about.”

Jyn stayed silent for the rest of the ride, pointedly ignoring the way Leia was shaking her head next to her. When they got to the hotel, she quickly paid the driver as Leia dealt with the suitcases and then went inside. Leia walked over to the desk and told the clerk the things that Han had told her to, and then they were in an elevator headed up to the penthouse. 

The doors opened once it reached the top floor, and they both stepped into the hallway. Jyn started to walk down the hallway, but Leia grasped her by the elbow and stopped her.

“If you don't tell me, I'm going to ask Cassian.”

Jyn turned to look at Leia, taking in the serious look on her friend's face. “Leia...”

“I'm serious,” Leia said, looking Jyn in the eyes. “I told you, Jyn. Alright, so it wasn't until you had met Han, but still. I told you. I told you, and you're lying to me.”

“It's...” Jyn sighed. “It's not lying. I'm not lying to you.”

“You're not telling me the truth either.”

Jyn swallowed hard. “No, I'm not.”

“Why not?” Leia asked, hurt evident in her voice. “Don't you think you can trust me?”

Jyn wrapped Leia up in a tight embrace. “Of course I can trust you.”

“Then why won't you tell me?” Leia asked, pulling away from Jyn.

“I just can't, Leia. Not yet.”

“Even though we both know that I know?”

Jyn took a moment before she nodded. “Even though we both know that you know. It's......it's not just up to me, and he has a hell of a lot more to lose than I do.”

“I know all about that,” Leia sighed sadly, quickly changing her expression to a smile as a door opened and Han walked into the hallway. “Han!”

Han quickly shook his head and motioned for Leia to be quiet. “There's a couple of reporters up here.”

Leia frowned. “You told me on the phone that they would be gone before we got here.”

“I thought they would be,” Han said, dropping the level of his voice as he walked up to them. “But they're not.”

Han looked at both of them, and then he broke into a smile. “Our room is the third door on the left,” he whispered, winking at Leia. “And because there are a few more people on this trip than usual, that means there's no extra room for you, Jyn. So, Cassian is going to stay with me, and you and Leia are going to stay in Cassian's room.”

Jyn swallowed hard as Han's gaze narrowed in on her, and one look into the older man's eyes told her that Han was fully aware of the fact that Cassian wasn't going to be staying in his room and Leia with her in Cassian's. “I understand,” she said softly.

Han nodded. “Cassian's room is at the opposite end of the hall, so turn around and then it'll be the last door on the right, if you'd like to put your stuff in there.”

Jyn could take a hint when she was given one, so she turned and walked down the hallway, heading towards the door that Han had directed her to. She reached for the doorknob once she was standing in front of it, frowning when the door only opened a couple of inches before stopping.

“I told you motherfuckers to leave me the fuck alone!”

Jyn grinned and pushed at the door again. “Even me?” she asked softly.

The sound of Cassian scrambling off the bed echoed through the small crack in the door, and after a minute, the door was pushed shut. Jyn bit back a laugh as she heard Cassian struggle to undo the chain, then the door was wide open and Cassian was standing there and Jyn wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms. 

“Hello Cassian.”

Cassian reached out and grabbed Jyn's arm, pulling her into the room and shutting the door behind them. Jyn set her suitcase down and smiled softly at her lover. “Are you going to say something?” she asked. “Or are you just going to stare at me?”

Cassian brought his hands up to Jyn's face, cupping her cheeks briefly before sliding his fingers into his lover's hair. “Jyn, my love.”

Jyn sighed happily as Cassian brought their lips together, throwing her arms around Cassian's neck and holding him as close as she could. The kiss stayed slow, soft, a gentle reconnection. Cassian eventually broke it and buried in face in Jyn's neck, nipping at the paperthin skin he found there.

“I missed you,” Jyn whispered. “God, I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Cassian mumbled, trailing kisses up Jyn's neck. “You don't know how many times I wanted to just walk out of a hotel or a venue and catch the next flight back to Yavin.”

“You can't do that,” Jyn murmured as Cassian's lips pressed against hers again. “The media would be all over it. We'd be caught so fast.”

“That's why I didn't do it,” Cassian mumbled, sliding his arms around Jyn's waist and pulling her as close as possible. “I knew that I was in love with you, but I didn't realize how much I needed you, Jyn. I need you with me, near me. I can't go this long without seeing you ever again.”

“I...” Jyn breathed out, forcing a little bit of distance between them so she could look Cassian in the eyes. “I can't go this long without seeing you either, but something tells me we're going to have to.”

Cassian smiled softly. “I need to figure out some way to get you on the road with us.”

“That is not going to happen, so get that out of your head right now.”

Cassian laughed and pulled Jyn over to the bed. “I'm going to keep trying until you agree.”

Jyn shook her head as Cassian pushed her onto the bed, smiling when her lover climbed on top of her. “I don't want to fight with you right now.”

“Then don't,” Cassian said, bending down and kissing Jyn softly. “I want nothing more than to tear these clothes off and have my way with you, but I can't. Not with the reporters up here.”

Jyn pulled Cassian down and rolled him onto his back, settling along her lover's side. “Why aren't you in the other room being interviewed?”

Cassian sighed and wrapped an arm around Jyn's shoulders. “I lost my voice a couple days ago before a gig. I'm supposed to be resting it, so Han told them I wasn't feeling well.”

Jyn slid an arm across Cassian's waist. “They know.”

“Yes, they do.” Cassian brushed a kiss across Jyn's forehead. “I haven't told him. He's figured it out somehow.”

“Leia figured it out and told him. She's been trying to get me to admit it for months now. But I haven't.”

“I want to tell my parents before anyone else,” Cassian said softly. “They deserve to be the first to know about you.”

“I'd say the same, but I don't plan on ever telling Saw about you. Or anything else for that matter.”

Cassian pulled Jyn closer and kissed her gently. “Things aren't any better?”

“He stopped calling. So I stopped calling him. And the last four letters I've written to him have been returned to sender,” Jyn said quietly. “He finally cut me out of his life. If that's the way he wants it, then fine. I'll make a family of my own.”

“I hope I'm part of that.”

“You're the center of that.”

Cassian sighed. “I've been having the conversation with my parents in my head for probably the last month and a half. 'Mama, Maman? I love her. Please understand.' But I don't have any idea what their reaction will be like. I'd like to think that it will be positive, but if it's not, then I guess I'll just have to make a family of my own like you. With you.”

Jyn pressed a kiss to Cassian's shoulder. “We might have to leave the sector to do that.”

“No,” Cassian said, shaking his head. “Things are going to change, Jyn. Someday, we won't have to hide anymore.”

“And if they don't?”

Cassian took a few moments to answer. “How does a penthouse apartment in Coruscant sound? They're debating in the Senate now about legalizing heterosexuality in the Corusca sector. It looks like it's going to be legalized. They seem to have the votes.”

“I didn't know that. That's fantastic,” Jyn said, smiling. “I've always wanted to go to Coruscant.”

“Then we'll have to go someday,” Cassian said. “Give me a chance to actually see the apartment.”

Jyn pulled back and stared down at Cassian. “You already have it?”

“The more money I spend, the less I have to pay in taxes, or so the accountant says,” Cassian said, smiling up at her. “And I listen to him. They're always giving us all this paper with these numbers and telling us to invest the money in things instead of letting it sit in the bank, so that's what I've done. If we get bored in Coruscant, we can go somewhere else. I'm thinking of maybe buying a place here in Cloud City too.”

Jyn shook her head and laid down next to her. “You're buying apartments all over the Empire, and I'm worried about making my rent and paying my other bills because I took time off work to come to Cloud City. Hell, I could barely afford the ticket to Cloud City. We live two entirely different lives, Cassian.”

“I could take care of that in a matter of minutes.”

“Cassian.”

“I'm serious. One phone call to the accountant with your bank account number, and you'd never have to worry about money again.”

“I can't just take your money, Cassian.”

Cassian rolled onto his side and reached for Jyn's hand. “You're not taking my money, Jyn. As far as I'm concerned, you have as much right to it as I do.”

“Cassian.”

“You said we live two different lives. I don't view it like that,” Cassian said softly, squeezing Jyn's hand. “I......what's mine is yours, Jyn. I don't know any other way to phrase it.”

“Cassian,” Jyn said again, sighing heavily. “You can't mean that.”

“Why not? I can't change the fact that I have this money, Jyn. I wouldn't want to. I've worked too hard for it.”

“Exactly,” Jyn said strongly. “You worked too hard for it. _You_. Not me.”

Cassian sighed and rolled onto his back, running his hands over his face. “If you were a guy,” he started.

“You have got to be kidding me.”

“If you were a guy,” Cassian said again, “and we were to get married, you wouldn't have any issue whatsoever about combining our incomes.”

“Perhaps,” Jyn said. “But I'm not a guy, we can't get married, and I have an issue with it.”

Cassian groaned and climbed off of the bed. “If I can't give you money, can I at least give you a present?”

Jyn sat up and watched as Cassian walked towards his suitcase. “You bought me a present?”

“We don't always get a chance to get out of the hotel and do some shopping, but we got a chance while we were in Hoth,” Cassian said, pulling a small box out of his suitcase and heading back towards the bed. “Bodhi and I went into this little shop when we were in Delphon and I found this. Bodhi thinks I bought it for my grandfather.”

Cassian sat down on the bed and held the box out to Jyn. “Open it.”

Jyn stared at the box for a moment before slowly untying the ribbon and lifting the lid up. She pushed back the tissue paper and reached inside, pulling out a small replica of the Kiax Nebula. Jyn laughed as she examined it, bringing a smile to Cassian's face.

“Like it? I remembered that you were jealous that I was going to see the Kiax Nebula Museum.”

“I couldn't see the Kiax Nebula myself so you sort of brought it to me.” Jyn smiled at her. “Clever. Very clever.”

Cassian took the miniature tower from Jyn's hands. “There is more.”

“More?” Jyn looked down. “There's nothing else in the box.”

Cassian moved closer and kissed Jyn softly. “I'm going to take you to there, the Kiax Nebula Museum. I can't tell you exactly when yet, because Han hasn't gotten back to me on when our next definitive break is, but the first chance I get, I'm taking you there.”

Jyn took the miniature back from Cassian and sighed heavily. “Cassian, I would really, really love to go to the Kiax Nebula Museum with you, but I can't.”

Cassian frowned. “Why not?”

“It is beyond risky, and I have told you many times I will not do anything to jeopardize your career,” Jyn said, putting the miniature back in the box. “And if I take any more time off work, I think Mister Dodonna is going to make sure that I no longer have work, and well, I sort of need money to live on.”

Cassian watched silently as Jyn put the top back on the box and set it to the side. “So you won't let me make sure that you have enough money to pay your rent and other bills, and now you're saying you won't let me take you on a trip because you need money to pay your rent and other bills.”

“Right.”

Cassian laid back onto the bed and sighed heavily. “Why are you so against this idea? Why can't you just understand that I want you to have everything you could possibly want and that I'm in a position to actually be able to give it to you?”

Jyn picked up the box and moved it onto the bedside table, then laid down next to Cassian. “When I was a kid, maybe twelve or thirteen, Steela, Saw's sister, came home from the playhouse all excited about getting this leading role in the new play they were going to put on. I don't remember the name of the play, or anything else about it really, but when she was describing her character to me, she said that Ahsoka was a woman who had this other character, Rex, as a kept man. I didn't know what that meant, and so she explained it to me, and after her explanation, she said that she found real kept men to be deplorable. How could they just live off some wealthy person and not put in good, honest work for the money they were given? That's stayed with me, and every time you bring up the subject of giving me money, it makes me think about how I don't want to be a kept man. Or well, in my case, a kept woman.”

Cassian reached out and tangled his fingers with Jyn's. “I am by no means an expert on kept men, or kept women for that matter, but isn't that only the situation when there is no relationship between the two people involved? Or at least not a relationship like ours? Having a wealthy partner doesn't mean that you're kept, Jyn.”

Jyn turned to look at Cassian. “I would just feel better knowing that I did something to deserve the money I have. That's all.”

“Loving me doesn't make you deserving enough?” Cassian asked, sighing when Jyn shook her head. “Alright then. We'll come up with some way to make you feel like you've earned the money.”

“Cassian, I've already told you a million times. I'm not coming on the road with you.”

“No, I'm not talking about that,” Cassian said, running a hand through her hair. “You love to write, correct?”

“Yes.”

“Then write about us.”

Jyn looked at him like he was crazy. “I can't do that.”

“I'm not talking about writing it with a goal of getting it published or anything like that. Just, something for us. Something that we can show our grandchildren some day.”

“Grandchildren?” Jyn laughed. “You really are a dreamer when it comes to our future.”

“You don't want to be a mother?” Cassian asked quietly.

“I didn't say that,” Jyn said, squeezing Cassian's fingers. “I just don't see how it's going to ever be possible.”

“Palpatine's not going to live forever. And if things don't change after he's gone, well, like I said earlier, there's a penthouse waiting for us in Coruscant, and that Corusca sector vote is looking favorable.” Cassian smiled softly at her. “But back to what we were talking about. I will pay you to write a book about us. That way, you feel like you're doing something to deserve the money that I want to give you, and I will be happy knowing that I'm not leaving you to fend for yourself when I could make your life a hell of a lot easier.”

Jyn stared at Cassian for a moment before giving in. “Alright.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” Jyn said softly. “Really.”

“Excellent,” Cassian said, sitting up and glancing at the clock. “Give me your account number, and I'll have Han call the accountant and get the arrangements made.”

“We haven't talked about how much you're going to pay me to write this book,” Jyn said as Cassian stood up. “We should talk about that first.”

Cassian just shook his head. “You have already agreed to this. There is no more negotiating to be done.”

“But...”

“But nothing,” Cassian said. “Account number please.”

Jyn sighed in defeat and stood up, reaching for her handbag. “Why does something tell me that there will be a hell of a lot more money in my bank account when I get home than I think there deserves to be?”

Cassian laughed and walked over to the bedside table, picking up the complimentary notepad and pen. “Just write the number down.”

Jyn fished through her handbag until she found the numbers that she knew the accountant would need for a wire transfer, then scribbled them out onto the notepad. “There.”

Cassian grinned at her, taking the notepad back before pulling Jyn into a deep kiss. “I'm going to take this to Han, and get everything set up. I'll be right back.”

Jyn watched Cassian walk out of the room, then fell back onto the bed and sighed. She wasn't sure how she'd just been talked into this situation, but she was pretty sure Cassian could talk her into anything. She glanced over at the box on the bedside table, smiling as she recalled what was inside it.

Something told her she was going to be talked into going to the Kiax Nebula Museum soon too.


	7. Chapter 7

_one month later......_

Leia was standing on the sidewalk when Jyn walked out of the bank, frowning when she took in the look on her friend's face. “What's wrong?”

“My balance has quadrupled since the last time I checked it,” Jyn said, sticking her handbag back in her pocket. “And that was yesterday at lunch when I deposited my last paycheck.”

“Considering the fact that Mister Dodonna just closed your book shop, you should be thankful for that.”

“I am thankful for it, more so now than ever,” Jyn said. “I just think he sends me too much.”

“Get used to it,” Leia said quietly. “Han sends me at least 5,000 credits a month.”

Jyn stared at her for a moment before laughing. “No wonder you're always shopping.”

“It's not funny,” Leia said, starting to walk down the sidewalk. “You do not know the amount of lying I have to do about having a job to keep my parents from asking why I don't need any financial help from them, not even to pay my tuition.”

Jyn fell into step beside her. “What did you tell them?”

“I told them I got a job as an assistant at the biggest law firm in Yavin,” Leia said. “They think that the firm is paying my tuition in exchange for me studying law, when really it's Han who's paying my tuition in exchange for me studying contract law.”

“Why does Han want you to study contract law?”

“So that when I graduate, I can go to work for him and be the legal representative of his clients. At the moment that's just the band and they're using a different lawyer, but Han is fully aware of the fact that the band isn't going to last forever, and so he's preparing to open a management agency when it's all over.”

Jyn stayed quiet for the next couple of blocks, glancing over at Leia occasionally. “What did you really want to study?” she asked eventually.

“Truthfully? I probably wouldn't have studied at all. I would have been put to work in the family company,” Leia laughed slightly. “I think I completely blindsided them when I said I wanted to go to Yavin to study. I had never given them any indication that I would ever want to leave home. But then again, I've had to keep a good portion of my life secret since I was sixteen.”

“Why didn't you go to school in Jedha?”

“Too close,” Leia said softly. “Too much temptation. It's better that there's distance between us most of the time. Of course, I always thought that distance would just be between Jedha and here. I never imagined they'd be traveling the Empire. Don't ever tell Han I said that though. I don't want him to think I ever doubted him or the band.”

“I won't,” Jyn said, looking around. “We walked by the deli.”

“We're not going to the deli,” Leia said, a bright smile on her face.

“We're not?” Jyn asked, confused. “You said we were going to have lunch at the deli, then go to the cinema.”

Leia laughed. “I lied. Just follow me, okay?”

Jyn was still confused, but followed Leia along silently. They eventually reached a street that Jyn didn't think she'd ever seen before and turned onto it, following it east into what appeared to be a warehouse district. “There's somewhere to eat here?”

“You're too curious for your own good, you know that?” Leia glanced around until she saw the black sedan parked in the otherwise empty parking lot of the warehouse on the left. “There,” she said, pointing across the street. “We're going there.”

Jyn was getting more confused by the second, but followed Leia across the street anyway. 

Leia walked her up to an unmarked door on the side of the building, knocking three times before taking a step backward. “Enjoy, okay?”

Jyn turned towards Leia only to see her walking away from the building towards the black sedan. “Where are you going?”

“Relax, Jyn!” Leia called out, not bothering to look back at her. “Just wait for the door to open!”

Jyn frowned but turned back towards the door. She took a deep breath to brace herself, her eyes focused on the ground, until the door was wide open and a familiar looking pair of shoes were in her sight.

“Hello, my love.”

Jyn brought her gaze up slowly, her eyes drinking in the way that the jeans Cassian was wearing fit him perfectly, the way the plain white t-shirt hugged his muscular frame in just the right way. Then her eyes met Cassian's, and she broke out into a huge smile at the love she saw reflected there. “Hello, Cassian.”

“Do you like my surprise?” Cassian asked, motioning for Jyn to walk inside. 

Jyn walked into the warehouse, surprised to see what appeared to be a recording studio instead of the boxes and manufacturing equipment she had been anticipating. “This is the studio?”

“This is the studio,” Cassian said, shutting the door behind them. “I know, it seems like it's in a really odd place, but the acoustics in this building are fantastic. I thought that you might like to see the place that kept me away from you for so many nights when we were in Yavin last year.” 

Cassian took Jyn's hand and led her further inside. “I sort of feel like I cheated on you with this place.”

Jyn laughed, shaking her head as Cassian walked behind the boards and motioned to a chair. “I think it would be more accurate to say you were cheating on your music with me.”

“Ah, I can see how you would think that,” Cassian said softly, sitting down in a different chair. “But the reality is, the music was made better by your presence in my life.”

Jyn smiled. “I fought through crowds of screaming teenage girls and bought the album the day it came out. The music is definitely amazing, that's for sure.”

Cassian shook his head. “You shouldn't have had to buy it. I should have had a copy sent to you.”

“No,” Jyn said strongly. “I've given in to you in so many ways, Cassian, at least let me buy a copy of your album in return.”

“Alright,” Cassian said softly, spinning his chair around to face Jyn's. “If that's what you want.”

“That's what I want,” Jyn said, smiling. “You didn't tell me that you were going to be in town.”

“I was going to surprise you at work yesterday, but the shop was closed. So I got Leia to help me get you here, and Han to let me bring you here. Were you sick or something? It's not like you to not be at work.”

Jyn sighed heavily, running her hands through her hair. “I would have loved to have been at work yesterday, but I no longer have a job. Mister Dodonna closed the shop a week ago. It won't be reopening.”

“I'm sorry,” Cassian said softly, reaching for Jyn's hand. “I know how much you loved that place.”

“I loved the books more than anything else,” Jyn said, smiling when Cassian squeezed her hand. “I wish I had more space in my apartment. I'd have so many more books around.”

“There's a library in the house. You are more than welcome to start filling it up with books,” Cassian offered.

“Sure, fill up a room in a house I don't live in with books that I won't be able to read unless you're in town and I am able to get inside the house, during which time I really won't be wanting to read a book because you'll be there,” Jyn laughed. “That makes perfect sense.”

Cassian took a deep breath and looked Jyn in the eyes. “Move in.”

Jyn stared at him for a moment before shaking her head. “You know that I cannot do that.”

“Why......never mind. I don't want to argue.” Cassian sighed and leaned back in his chair, running his hands over his face. “I told them last night.”

Jyn's eyes widened and she moved her chair closer to Cassian's. “How,” she started, pausing for a moment. “How did they take it?”

“I waited until my sisters were in bed before I told them that I had something I needed to talk to them about,” Cassian said softly. “I probably completely fucked the whole thing up. I just started rambling on and on about you. That I'd met the love of my life and had wanted to tell them about it for so long but I was so afraid because it wasn't going to be what they were expecting, and just on and on and on. 'Understand. Please, just try to understand what I'm about to tell you.'

“I was pacing back and forth in the room, and finally Maman just said 'Sit down and tell us, Cassian.' So I did. 'Her name is Jyn.' Mama got very quiet. Maman started crying. I was convinced I was about to be kicked out of the house, kicked out of their lives, and told to never come back. And then Mama let out this huge sigh and said 'I'm glad you told us, my son.'”

Jyn watched as Cassian stood up and walked to the other side of the makeshift room. “Is that a good thing?”

“They want to meet you.”

Jyn's jaw dropped. “They want to meet me?”

“I was practically ordered to bring you to dinner tonight, but I told them that you were probably going to need more time before you met them considering the fact that you didn't even know I was telling them.”

Jyn stood up and walked to where Cassian was standing, sliding her arms around her lover's waist. “You don't seem happy.”

“Some of the stuff they said just......” Cassian trailed off and leaned back into Jyn's embrace. “They're going to try. And really, I don't feel like I can ask any more than that of them. But they don't want my sisters to know. They think they're too young for such knowledge. I can understand that, I guess. They asked if I had told anyone else in the family, and I said no, and they said they would prefer for it to stay that way. It's just that I told them so I didn't have to hide around my family, and now that's exactly what's going to continue to happen.”

Jyn brushed a kiss along the back of Cassian's neck. “I know you want to tell the world, but the fewer people who know, the better, as far as I'm concerned. I do wish it wasn't like this though.”

“So do I,” Cassian said wistfully. “So, do you want to have dinner at my mothers' house tonight? Or do you want to go home and spend the evening there?”

“You're referring to the house as home now?

“Well, it will be home as soon as you move in.”

Jyn pulled back and looked at Cassian, taking in the resolute look in her lover's eyes. “I can't move in to your house.”

“You can very easily move in to _our_ house,” Cassian said. “I can get Han to mention to a few select people that I'm having a friend move into the house to care for it since I'm gone so much. Then, no one will question what you're doing there.”

“Cassian.......”

“I'm not completely misreading this situation, am I?” Cassian asked suddenly, fear etched into his features. “You feel the same way about me that I do about you, right?”

“Oh Cas,” Jyn said, leaning forward and kissing him softly. “No, baby, you're not misreading anything. I love you, I love you more than anything. I just get terrified whenever you starting saying things like 'our house.' I want that to be a reality, Cassian, I really do. But if we were to ever get caught......sharing a home is a hell of a lot worse than what could be passed off as a one-night stand.” 

“We're not going to get caught,” Cassian said, holding Jyn closer. “I was going to wait until later to tell you but......there's a film premiere this weekend. I would much rather be going with you, but Han says I need to be seen with a guy, and so I'm taking this guy he knows from Lothal to it. He's some up and coming model, Ezra something or other.”

“Ezra Bridger?” Jyn said, pulling back slightly. “You're going to a film premiere with Ezra Bridger?”

“Um, yes,” Cassian said, slightly confused. “Is that a problem?”

Jyn sighed heavily and walked away from Cassian, collapsing into one of the chairs. “He's only been all over the latest issue of _Imperial_ talking about how The Soul Magicians is his favorite band and what a massive crush he has on you.”

Cassian pushed away from the wall and walked to where Jyn was sitting, dropping to his knees before her. “Okay, I didn't know about that, but it doesn't matter. I'm only doing this to keep up appearances, Jyn. I'm not doing this because I want someone else.”

“I know,” Jyn said softly. “But that doesn't mean I like it.”

Cassian put his hands on Jyn's knees and pushed himself up, settling himself in Jyn's lap. “I don't like it either, but Han is right. If I'm seen with a guy every once and awhile, then that gives the press something to talk about instead of having them dig into my personal life and subsequently discovering things that don't need to be discovered.”

“Right,” Jyn said, sighing heavily. “This thing with the guy...that's just one more reason why I can't move in, Cassian.”

Cassian sighed and stood up, walking over to where a jacket was hung on the back of a chair. “I knew you were going to say that, but I couldn't help myself.”

Jyn watched, confused, as Cassian pulled a small box from one of the jacket's pockets and walked back over to her. “Here.”

“What is this?” Jyn asked, taking the box from Cassian. “A promise of another trip to a foreign city that we can never go on?”

Cassian shook his head and sat down across from her. “Just open it.”

Jyn eyed the box for a moment before slowly lifting the lid off. Inside, on a small bed of cotton, were two shiny silver keys. “What are these for?”

“The one with the rounded top is for the house,” Cassian said softly. “The number engraved on it is the code for the gate. The other key, the one with the more squared top, is for your car.”

Jyn looked up at him. “My car?”

“It's in the garage,” Cassian said, smiling at her. “Brand new, specially ordered just for you. The best sports car in all of the Empire.”

“You spend too much money on me,” Jyn said, putting the lid back on the box. “I don't even know what to say or do about it anymore.”

“You could say thank you,” Cassian said, “and then you could actually use the gifts instead of fighting with me about them. Especially now that you are unemployed.”

Jyn stood up and motioned for Cassian to do the same, smiling at her lover once they were in one another's arms. “Thank you, Cassian,” she said softly. “For giving me everything that you have, even though I deserve none of it.”

“You love me. You put up with me being gone ninety-nine percent of the time. You deserve everything in the world, Jyn. And I am determined to someday give all of that to you.”

Jyn wrapped her arms around Cassian's neck and kissed him, smiling into it when Cassian kissed her back. “You make me feel like I'm living in a dream.”

“But it's a good dream?”

Jyn nodded. “A very good dream. One I don't want to ever wake up from.”

“Good,” Cassian said, glancing at his watch. “If we're going to make it to my mothers' house in time for you to meet them before Mama is lost to the kitchen to make dinner, we should go now. But only if you want to.”

Jyn closed her eyes and soaked in the feeling of Cassian's arms around her. Meeting Cassian's parents was a huge step, one that she was very unsure of. But Cassian had taken a huge step by telling them, and if she was ever going to feel like an equal in their relationship, Jyn knew she needed to take a huge step too.

She took a deep breath. “I want to. I want to meet them. And if they're willing to meet me now, it's probably best that it happens before they change their minds.”

Cassian smiled and let go of Jyn, reaching for his jacket. “I don't think they're going to change their minds, Jyn. But that's a very good point. Come on, the car is on the other side of the building. Han wanted it to look like there wasn't anybody here in case some reporter wandered by.”


	8. Chapter 8

_nine months later......_

Leia pushed Jyn into the back of the taxi before leaning forward and telling the driver where to take them. Jyn frowned as her foot slipped against something on the floor, and reached down to find a magazine lying there. She picked it up and put it in her lap, biting her tongue to keep from lashing out at what she saw splashed across its cover. She slammed her fist against her thigh and pushed the magazine back to the floor, looking away when Leia looked over at her. “I don't want to talk about it.”

Leia frowned and reached for the magazine, turning it over to discover it was the latest issue of _Imperial_. She was about to ask why Jyn had tossed it back to the floor, knowing that _Imperial_ was one of her friend's favorite magazines, when the words in the bottom right corner caught her eye.

_CASSIAN AND EZRA  
Wedding plans underway?_

Leia sighed and let the magazine drop back to the floor, reaching over and squeezing Jyn's hand lightly. “You know it's bullshit that they made up to sell more copies of the magazine.”

“No,” Jyn said, her voice tight with emotion. “I don't know anything anymore.”

Leia glanced at the driver before sliding closer to Jyn. “He's only around to keep up appearances,” she whispered. “And besides, you told me that you spoke to him on the phone and liked him.”

“He may be only around to keep up appearances,” Jyn whispered back, “but he certainly doesn't know that. And Han told me that, so don't even try to argue.”

Leia sighed and shook her head. “He's just trying to protect everyone.”

“Well what he's done is driven us apart,” Jyn whispered angrily. “I can't even call him without him answering the phone. We haven't had a conversation in months, and the last time I was at the restaurant for dinner, his mothers looked so damn proud of the fact that he's got a guy like him.”

Leia sighed and squeezed Jyn's hand again, unsure of what to say to calm her friend. “He loves you,” she said, so softly that she wasn't sure Jyn would even be able to hear her. “Don't ever doubt that.”

Jyn turned back to the window, watching the city she loved so much as they passed by, wishing she could believe Leia's words. Leia sighed when she realized that Jyn wasn't going to respond, turning her gaze towards her own window. They remained silent until they arrived at the venue, Leia quickly paying the driver as Jyn climbed from the taxi, and then they were making the familiar walk past the front doors and around to the side.

Jyn tried to smile at the security man there as he reached for credentials without even checking the list, mumbling a thank you before letting Leia pull her into the building. They wandered the same halls that they had that first night, more than two years ago, before coming to a stop before the same door that was still adorned with a gold star. Leia gave Jyn a brilliant smile before opening the door and letting them into the dressing room.

Leia immediately walked passed the band and over to the catering table, giving Han a rather inconspicuous hug. Jyn blinked at that, her eyes shifting to the right and noticing a local newspaper reporter sitting on a chair, deep in conversation with Chirrut, and Leia's behavior suddenly made sense. She said hello to Baze as he brushed passed Jyn and out of the dressing room, and then turned back to the rest of the room, freezing when her eyes finally landed on Cassian.

Or, more appropriately, she thought, on Cassian and Ezra.

Seeing him in his arms, his lips pressed against his in a long, drawn out kiss, was like a punch to the stomach. Jyn couldn't tear her eyes away from the sight of them standing in the corner, Cassian leaning back against the wall and holding Ezra tenderly against him. 

Leia was suddenly by her side, grabbing her by the elbow and pulling her out the dressing room. Jyn somehow kept her composure as Leia led her through the backstage area, finally coming across the room Han had told her to go to and opening the door. Jyn walked inside and sat down onto a chair without saying a word, and Leia dropped to her knees in front of her.

“I didn't know he was going to be there,” Leia said honestly. “Han told me that he was supposed to be in Jedha this afternoon for some photoshoot. I would have warned you if I knew.”

Jyn looked as though she was staring right through Leia until suddenly her eyes focused in on her friend, and Leia ached at the pain she saw reflected there. She scrambled off of the floor and into Jyn's lap, hugging her friend as tightly as she could. Jyn reacted slowly, sliding her arms around Leia's waist and burying her head in her friend's neck, before it all finally hit her.

Leia swallowed hard as Jyn began to shake. She stroked the back of Jyn's head gently, whispering soothing phrases she remembered her mother uttering to her when she was a child. Jyn looked up after awhile, and it broke Leia's heart to see the stain of tears on her best friend's face. “Oh Jyn.”

“I want to go home,” Jyn choked out.

“You should talk to him first. I can get Han to distract Ezra and th—”

“No,” Jyn said firmly, cutting Leia off. “I just want to go home.”

Leia nodded and they stood up, Leia's fingertips gently wiping Jyn's tears away. “I'll go get us a taxi.”

“No,” Jyn said shakily. “Stay. Spend time with Han. I can find my own way home.”

Leia stared at her with a worried look on her face. “Are you sure?”

Jyn nodded and gave Leia a fake smile. “I'm alright, Leia. I just want to go home.”

Leia didn't believe her for a moment, but she let Jyn walk out of the room anyway. Jyn kept her head down as she walked along the hallway, hurrying passed the dressing room door when she heard Han yell out that it was time for the band to take the stage. She stumbled out of the side door and gave the security man a weak smile before turning to the right and beginning to walk. Her apartment was fifty blocks from the venue, and right then, Jyn felt she really needed the time to think.

She was no closer to figuring out what to do as she approached the door to her apartment, sliding the key into the lock and heading inside. Once inside, she tossed her keys on to the table and walked over to her sofa, collapsing onto it and running her hands over her face. Her mind drifted back to the first night she'd ever met Cassian, to that moment in the hallway when Cassian gave her the choice of proceeding or not.

For the first time since Cassian had told Jyn she loved her, she found herself wishing that she'd said no.

Silence filled the air, seldom disrupted but for a car horn in the streets below. Darkness enveloped the room and with it Jyn, and she allowed the peacefulness that room projected to carry her off to sleep.

She awoke with a start several hours later, frowning into the darkness until she heard the knocking at her door. She climbed off her sofa and stumbled over to the door, not in the mood for whatever it was Leia was going to say to her. She fumbled with the lock until the door was opening, and she leaned against it to keep it from opening more than a crack. “Go home, Leia. I don't have anything to say.”

“You might not, but I do.”

Jyn froze, suddenly wide awake and remembering the wretched ache that had taken over her earlier that evening. “I'm not sure I want to hear it,” she choked out, furious with her voice for betraying her emotions.

Cassian pressed himself against the door, reaching through the crack to try and grasp onto Jyn's arm. “Please, Jyn. I'm not leaving until you hear what I have to say.”

Recognizing the stubbornness in Cassian's voice and realizing that she'd have questions she wouldn't know how to answer should one of her neighbors find out who was standing in the hallway, Jyn relented and opened the door further. Cassian walked into the apartment and stopped, surrounded by darkness and unsure of where to go. Jyn locked the door and moved around him, reaching for the lamp that was next to the sofa and turning it on.

Cassian blinked as his eyes adjusted to the light and then glanced around the room, taking a deep breath when he saw Jyn sit down on the sofa. “May I join you?”

Jyn glanced over at him and nodded slightly. “I'm guessing Leia sent you here.”

“No,” Cassian said, sitting down next to Jyn. “Leia didn't send me here. She did, however, give me your address, which amazingly, I did not have because you never would let me drive you all the way home.”

“You being here would make my neighbors ask questions,” Jyn said, keeping her gaze fixed upon the blank screen of the television. “That's why I never brought you here. I suppose it doesn't matter now. You won't ever be here again.”

Cassian sucked in a harsh breath and reached for Jyn's hand, holding on tightly when Jyn tried to pull it away. “I didn't even know you had been there tonight until Baze asked where you went.”

“I'm not surprised,” Jyn said bitterly. “You were rather preoccupied while I was there.”

Cassian moved closer to Jyn, trying to get her to look at him. “I'm sorry,” he said softly. “I've been trying to imagine what it would be like to see you kissing someone else like that so that I can have even the tiniest glimpse of what you must have been feeling, but I know that it's useless. All I know is that I hurt you, badly, and I would give anything to go back in time and take it all back. All of it, not just tonight.”

Jyn finally turned to look at Cassian, knowing that her eyes were betraying her too. “I can't do this anymore, Cassian.”

“Jyn.”

“I can't do any of this anymore,” Jyn got out, her voice tight. “The hiding, the lying, the pretending. Passing a police officer on the street and wondering if he's going to knock me down and arrest me. Hearing the stories of another arrest on the news and wondering when that story will be about me. Being scared to call whatever hotel you're in that night in case someone listens in. Not being able to talk to anyone but Leia about what my life is really like. It's so hard, Cassian, and I can't do it anymore.”

Cassian watched helplessly as Jyn stood up and walked across the room to a small desk. A computer sat on the desk and there was a stack of white pages next to it. Jyn picked them up and straightened them out, reaching for a folder and placing them inside. She walked back to the sofa and sat down, holding the folder out to Cassian.

“You wanted a book about us? Well, there you go,” Jyn said, thrusting the folder in Cassian's direction when he didn't take it. “Take it. It's yours. It's what you paid for.”

Cassian's fingers curled around the folder and he pulled it from Jyn's grasp, setting it in his lap and opening it. “A History of A Forbidden Love,” he whispered, running his fingers across the top sheet. “You really think that's what we have? Forbidden love?”

“We cannot be together, Cassian,” Jyn said wearily. “I've told you that from the very beginning.”

Cassian closed the folder. “So you want to end things.”

“I think that would be best.”

Cassian took a deep breath and then threw the folder towards the wall, watching as hundreds of pages scattered all over the room. “No,” he said angrily, “that wouldn't be what's best. That would be what's easiest. Splitting up has always been the easy answer to any of our problems.”

“I don't know what else to do!” Jyn exclaimed. “I wish there was some other way, but I can't even begin to figure out what that is!”

Cassian slid off of the sofa, dropping to his knees in front of Jyn. “I walked out on the band tonight.”

Jyn shook her head lightly, certain that she hadn't heard what she thought she had. “What?”

“Leia was backstage before the encore, and it was obvious that she was furious with me, which didn't really surprise me because when we were in Jedha a couple of months ago, she was furious with me then too. But then Baze asked where you went, and I felt like I was going to collapse when I realized you must have seen me with Ezra. That's when Bodhi made some remark about not realizing that you were another one of those silly heteros until he saw how you were staring at me, and I lost it.

“Out of all of us, he's always been the one who tolerated Han's lifestyle the least, and he's been saying some pretty pathetic stuff recently. Han just shrugs it off, says that he thinks the fame is starting to go to Bodhi's head, but when I heard him say it about you......I threw my guitar to the ground, walked across the room, and punched him.”

Jyn's eyes widened. “You what?!”

“It was no less than what he deserved!” Cassian exclaimed, putting his hands on Jyn's knees. “Han and Chirrut got a hold of me and pulled me back, and I shook them off and just walked out. Leia followed me, caught up to me outside the venue. I was so angry that I didn't know what it was I was doing, and she got us a taxi and we went back to the house. Maman is going to be furious with me the next time she's over, because I broke every breakable thing I could find. I think I terrified Leia.”

“Cassian,” Jyn said softly, unsure of what to say next.

“Han ended up at the house about an hour later. He just stepped over all the broken bits of china and glass, sat down at the kitchen table, and asked if the band had just played our last concert. I didn't know how to answer that, but I knew that if I am going to continue being a member of The Soul Magicians, some things need to change.

“First is Ezra. I only ever did this whole guy thing because Han said that it would keep people from discovering you, and I want to protect you with my life so I went along with it. But it went too far – no, I let it go too far – and so it ends now. It's going to break his heart and that kills me, because he really is a lovely person. I'm making Han do it. If I did it, I'd only end up telling him the truth, and Han says that absolutely cannot happen.”

“Cassian.”

“Second will be the band. I love the band almost as much as I love you, but I made it very clear to Han that if I had to make a choice between the band or you, I'd choose you. So after tonight, I am taking time off. Serious time, not our normal post-tour vacations which are usually cut short so we can get back in the studio and make another album. I'm talking a year, at the very minimum. Han thinks the guys will go along with it without objection, because Bodhi's been talking about a solo record and Chirrut wants to go to see the Jedi temples and Baze, well God only knows what Baze wants, but I told Han that if there is any objection, they'll just have to find themselves another bass player.”

“Cassian.”

“I know this seems abrupt, but to be perfectly honest, it's been building for awhile. I am thoroughly sick and tired of being Cassian fucking Andor, the fucking cute one from The Soul Magicians. All I want to be for the foreseeable future is your Cassian. If you'll still have me, that is.”

“Cassian,” Jyn said again, reaching out and grasping his face. “I...I don't even know what to say.”

“Say you still love me,” Cassian pleaded. “If I have ruined this beyond repair, I'll never forgive myself.”

Jyn stared at him for a moment before sliding off the sofa and onto her knees next to Cassian. “Of course I love you. I'm always going to love you. Don't you know that by now?”

Cassian threw himself at Jyn, wrapping his arms around her waist and burying his head in Jyn's neck. Jyn let her eyes drift closed, the feeling of Cassian in her arms taking away every last bit of the ache she'd felt earlier. Cassian pulled back after a few minutes, grasping Jyn's cheeks and leaning forward to give her a soft kiss. “Come to Coruscant with me.”

“Coruscant?” Jyn asked, her voice soft but unsure. “Cassian...”

“No one knows who I am in the Corusca sector,” Cassian said, leaning in to kiss Jyn again. “The legalization went into effect two weeks ago. We can go to Coruscant and live in the penthouse and not have to hide or lie or pretend. No worries about being arrested, no worries about being caught. We can just be happy.”

Jyn started to respond but was interrupted by a yawn, making her suddenly realize how tired she was. “Let me sleep first?” she asked. “Then I'll go to Coruscant with you.”

Cassian grinned at her and nodded, helping Jyn up and then following his lover into the bedroom. He let Jyn pull him onto the bed and settled along her side, giving her another soft kiss. “Sleep. I'll take care of everything else,” was the last thing Jyn heard before falling back asleep.

The sun rose a few hours later, and by the time it set again, they were on their way to in a penthouse in Coruscant and a life of freedom.


	9. Chapter 9

_epilogue._

About a year after they moved to Coruscant, the record label put out a carefully worded statement that had been written by Han informing the Empire that The Soul Magicians was no more. It was a mutual decision made by all four members of the band during a meeting in Jedha about a month prior to the announcement. They had all changed too much in their year away from the band to be able to recreate the magic that had existed before it, and each was ready to move on to the next phase of their lives.

For Bodhi, that phase was a successful solo career. But even after hit album after hit album, number one single after number one single, and sold out tour after sold out tour, he eventually tired of the ever more cynical and cruel music industry and retired from the music business after thirty years at the top of it. He rarely spoke to his former bandmates, and admitted such in a live television interview that had Han calling Cassian and wondering how they were ever friends with such a self-centered jackass. 

For Chirrut, the phase was moving permanently to Ilum, where he studied the ways of the Jedi. He also worked as a songwriter and producer, sometimes flying back to Yavin to play on a song from one of Bodhi's solo records at his old friend's request. In an interview he gave to mark the twenty-fifth anniversary of The Soul Magicians's first number one single, he admitted to the world that he was far more comfortable away from the spotlight than he'd ever been in it.

As for the self-proclaimed “master of percussion,” Baze decided to form a duo, Force, and surprised everyone when he announced Kaytoo was to be Force's lead singer. But Kaytoo turned out to be a more than capable singer, and Force enjoyed success until tragedy struck. Baze was found dead in a hotel room in Hosnian, a victim of an accidental overdose, a toxic mixture of alcohol and cold medication. Everyone gathered in Jedha for his funeral, and Cassian was so shaken by the incident that he never drank again.

Han started his own management agency, and Leia became the agency's lawyer as had been planned. Han dated beautiful men as cover and they lived in separate houses in Jedha until Leia finally reached her breaking point, taking off to Coruscant and staying with Cassian and Jyn until Han chased after her and promised things would change. They shared Han's two-story house after that, under the disguise of roommates until the Gordian Reach sector became the last sector in the Empire to legalize heterosexuality and there was no reason to pretend anymore. Leia sent Jyn an email once they stopped sneaking around telling her she'd never been happier in her life. 

And for Cassian, the next phase of his life was simple and had already begun. Jyn. 

As he started to spend every moment of every day with Jyn, Cassian found songwriting to flow more easily than it ever had before, with love song after love song being scribbled out onto paper. When Han told him the record label wanted to give him his own solo deal, Cassian turned it down, preferring to save his songs so they could only be heard by the woman they were written for. But Han and Jyn convinced him to let others record the songs, so his own publishing company was set up, and soon artists from all over the Empire were recording original Cassian Andor compositions and turning them into chart-topping hits. 

Jyn had cured her homesickness in their early days in Coruscant by sitting in front of a computer and losing herself in another world. When she'd finished her fourth book, Cassian talked her into sending one of the manuscripts to a literary agent and before she allowed herself to think about what she was attempting to do, Jyn found herself with three publishing houses bidding for the right to print her book. By the time they returned to Yavin, she was one of the most successful of the current crop of female novelists, with all of her work printed under the pseudonym of Liana Hallik. With the money Jyn made through her book sales, she finally felt herself Cassian's equal, and their relationship grew even stronger. 

They moved back to Yavin ten years after they had first left, and it was like moving into a completely different world. Palpatine was dead, heterosexuality was no longer illegal, and Cassian could walk around in public without being mobbed. They moved into the house that Cassian had always called theirs, ate dinner with his family at the restaurant once a week, and while they remained discreet, they no longer hid.

When asked in an interview why he'd never married, Cassian admitted that he was in a loving, deeply committed relationship with a woman. It coincided with the release of a rewritten _A History of A Forbidden Love,_ and it wasn't long before the media had finally put two and two together and were writing about Cassian and Liana. Reaction was mixed, but both had suspected it would be. Revealing their relationship had been a decision they took a long time to make, but once the news was in the public domain, both found it easier to breathe.

And ten years after that, two months after it was legalized, a man in a suit and a woman in a dress stood and recited vows in front of a gathering of family and friends in a beautiful garden in Alderaan. When they were pronounced to be married and their lips met in a tender kiss, Cassian glanced around over at Jyn, smiled wide, and whispered a question Jyn had thought she'd never hear.

“Marry me?”

She didn't hesitate in whispering back. 

“Yes.”


End file.
